The Real Housewives of Potomac Returns



The ladies of Potomac Fairfax County and surrounding areas are back. By the way, doesn’t it seem like just yesterday that we were all gasping in horror at all those greasy legs and hideous canary yellow getups at last season’s reunion? My how time flies. Anyway, as everyone knows by now, Mo’nique a.k.a. “Hazel” Samuels has been replaced by some new chick named Mia, who looks more like someone you would see on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. Karen brought her onto the show, and describes her as a “boss”. Mia is an alleged entrepreneur, fair as the green-eyed bandits, and also married to an older man, but with a wider age difference than Ashley and Karen’s partnerships. Mia is refreshingly open about the nips and tucks as the rest of the cast except for Karen, who likes to pretend that she hasn’t undergone any. However, Mia is about as accurate in telling her age as Phaedra was in disclosing the timeline of her first pregnancy, but what’s a little white lie between co-workers; after all, we’ve been pretending that Gizelle and Robyn offer some kind of glamour and value to the show since it started.


Most of the premier’s focus was on Wendy’s new boobs, booty, tummy tuck, hair, and some kind of facial rejuvenation that I haven’t quite determined yet … but no shade, she looks really good. Robyn is still not married to Juan, and makes it clear in one of her confessionals that she has no immediate plans to do so. Despite being annoyed that Robyn is sleeping nine hours a day (and clearly battling depression), he tells Robyn that he wants another child; this time a girl (or two), and reminds Robyn that at 41, she better get crackin’. We also get a glimpse of their brand new million dollar home, which is in the drywall stage of construction. Forget that just last season, Robyn owed the Federal government $90K.


Speaking of new homes, we also catch up with Candiace and Chris in mom Dorothy’s their beautiful new home, although I had to laugh when the caption read “10,000+ sq. ft. mansion”. The only way that place is 10K square feet is if that part of the country counts basements when calculating square footage, and I know they don’t.  Anyway, Candiace and Chris are finally publicly acknowledging HIS children, whom Candiace calls her “bonus” kids.  They are temporarily staying with C&C, and all I’m thinking about is the fun they must be having torturing step mommy Candiace.


Ashley is about to pop with baby number two, and she tells us that she and gay hubby Michael haven’t done it in like four months; hardly a shocker and definitely a case of TMI.


Wendy is having a “nude interlude” dinner party to reveal her new look, so she channels Cookie Lyon (Empire), fur coat and all, and sends out a sexy video texted invitation of herself dancing in a nude silhouette (like they do in the seedy girlie Las Vegas shows) to all the ladies. Everyone shows up except for Candiace, who doesn’t feel comfortable being around Karen yet. You see, she’s still very traumatized from being physically assaulted by Mo’nique the season before, and apparently Karen’s trying to understand both sides of the fight was a deal breaker for Candiace. Wendy grants Karen permission to bring Mia as her plus one.


The cast spends a lot of time carrying on about the location of Wendy’s house, which is absolutely on the other side of Baltimore and damn near Towson. Even Mia throws in a jab, and she lives on the Baltimore Harbor! Of course the hypocrisy lies in the fact that none of these women live in Potomac proper.


Wendy has requested that all the women wear shades of nude to her dinner party, and I am genuinely wondering if the entire cast struggles with colorblindness, because Gizelle had to be steered away from wearing pink by her daughter, and Ashley shows up wearing all white … but in all fairness, Ashley is so bloated pregnant that she can’t even squeeze into heels. Gizelle is far from over Karen humiliating her in front of the world last season, and she is hellbent on knocking the Grand Dame off her pedestal.  In case you missed it, Karen pulled the rug out from under the narrative that Gizelle wanted to present to the world; that she and sleazy preacher man Jamal had rekindled their romance.  But Karen’s fans already know she lies, and they simply don’t care, so calling Karen out her non-existent sex life and/or finances is laughable; especially considering that Gizelle’s own life is a documented mess. That being said, Karen striking back with allegations of Gizelle’s “hot box” are beyond childish. Presuming that these two are going to be going at it all season long, I am really going to need them to elevate their reads.


RHOP has never really been one of my favorites, but there have been worse, and although the fakery with this one is off the chain, I do appreciate their effort. This was a fast paced episode which established the strained dynamics between the cast immediately. These ladies are not messing around; the confessionals are scathing, and there is no phony hug kiss/kiss crap going on when they are actually in each other’s presence, and I always appreciate that. If the preview is any indication, the rest of the season actually looks pretty good. Mia and Candiace butt heads, Ashley and Candiace butt heads, and Candiace has problems with her butthead pink husband with the black D.


** In loving memory of T'Challa ... may he rest in peace. **