Boat Daddy is Back!


All hands on deck as the crew scrambles to pull off another dumb beach picnic. I really wish these charter guests production would come up with something just a little more original, because putting the crew through this torture is really played out. Eddie is on his 20th trip back to the yacht, this time because Captain Sean wants him to get a bag of seashells from his room.  “Make sure you get all the price tags off the shells too!”, says Sean.  Milking every second of screen time that he can, Sean then professes in a confessional, “I’m not micro managing, I’m hands on!”. Yes Sean, you’ve told us how hands-on you are, and not just at swinging an ax.


The guests finally arrive; an hour later than planned, but they’re enjoying tropical drinks courtesy of Fraser, so it’s all good. Heather is still running poor Fraser ragged.  She wants him to pull his previous “head of housekeeping” title out of his ass, but wants him to make the rooms perfect as well. To be fair, Fraser SHOULD already know that a good stew needs to be able to multi-task.


To Captain Sean’s credit, he is indeed the most hands-on Captain that we’ve ever seen.  Case in point, it's awfully hard to imagine Captain Lee (or even Sandy) literally serving the guests cocktails. But his time is up, because The Stud of the Sea is reclaiming his boat. Lee calls Sean to let him know that like Margot Channing, he’s returning to the stage, so it’s time for Eve Harrington to gather her shit and exit stage left. In a scene reminiscent of deckhand Danny riding off into the Grecian sunset on a donkey all those seasons ago, we see Sean floating off in a water taxi.  Then in a perfectly timed confessional, Lee says “Now get off my boat”.  I’m actually kind of disappointed to see him go, but something tells me that we haven’t seen the last of Captain Sean, because I have a strong suspicion that he will resurface on one of the new Below Decks that are in the works.


Chef Raunchy Rachel greets Lee with a kiss, but all I’m thinking is how did Lee not fire someone who told him to “eat her cooch” just one year ago. I suspect that these TV boat Captains don't have half authority that they claim, let alone when it comes to casting.  Chief stew Hairlip Heather has an awkward first meeting with Lee, and then Lee has a meeting with newly promoted First Mate, Eddie. After engaging in some “ship talk” (as if they’re on the USS Ronald Reagan preparing for war), Lee confides to Eddie the nature of his medical issue that delayed him. Margo Lee dramatically pulls out some medical paperwork and tells Eddie (and millions of viewers) that he was receiving treatment for atrial fibrillation, otherwise known A-Fib, a heart condition that he was born with.


It’s the second night of the charter, and the primary production has requested Lee’s presence at dinner. Rachel had already brought him a plate earlier, but Lee wasn’t about to miss out on Rachel’s Asian feast. Stuffed and content (and undoubtedly drugged with MSG), the guests rave about the food and then retire early.


The next morning, primary Nikki nabs Heather in the hall to inform her that there were no fresh towels in room. "5-star service" or not, God forbid a guest use the same towel twice (on a presumably freshly cleaned body). Does this chick not understand the environmental threat that unnecessary detergents pose on climate change?  Heather brings the housekeeping crises to Fraser’s attention as we see a flashback of Fraser and laundry junkie Jess just the night before, commenting that these guests use too damn many towels. Fraser accepts the criticism, but then mutters “Calm the fuck down” under his breath. The morning is not off to the best of starts, as Jake breaks a glass and cuts his foot, sending his freaky fantasy dominatrix, Rayna, searching for a dustpan. Hairlip Heather can’t be bothered, and Rayna is left to her own devices. 


Meanwhile Lee and Eddie are replaying that tired scene that we’ve seen on virtually every BD franchise since the series began; that is the docking drama. "The winds are wicked and this particular slip leaves no chance for error!", but as usual, they dock without a hitch (no pun intended).  As the crew falls in line to begin their goodbye hugs, Nikki takes advantage of the one last chance that she’s going to get for some screen time by bringing up the housekeeping “hiccups” that she had to endure.  But this time it's in front of the entire crew, most notably, Captain Lee. After saying her peace, she leaves Heather with her bedazzled captain’s hat and tips the crew $18K, which works out to be about $1500 per person.  The guests depart, and in a brief confessional, Rayna tells us that she in particular is going to miss these women (of color), but she is thankful that she was able to give black peoples “permission” to enjoy yachting; that is blow a few hundred grand on a stupid boat.


At the tip meeting, Captain Lee let’s the crew know that Nikki’s grievances did not go unnoticed; “One fuckup cancels 14 attaboys.” he proclaims, and another Captain Lee-ism is born. He hands the crew their respective wads and then tells them to go out and enjoy it, but warns them that in the morning, their asses are his.


The crew goes out for a nice dinner and as the alcohol flows, so does the flirting between Rayna and Jake. I forgot to mention that earlier in the episode, Jake told Rayna (and the world) that he enjoys being “pegged”. Now I may be a little rusty at the heterosexual mating dance, but is telling a girl that you enjoy having your ass plowed really a turn-on for most women? Unless you are Lisa Rinna, I seriously doubt it. After dinner, in a rare display of human emotion, Heather tries to connect with smoking buddy Fraser, but he turns the moment into a conversation about the dysfunctional interior. After some restrained back and forths, Frazer tells us that “You can’t warm up to an ice cube”.  Meacnwhile back at the table, Jake and Rayna are all over each other, displaying some serious PDA, (as the crew tries to not look).


They all return to the boat and Jake, Rayna, and Frazer decide to hang out in the hot tub. Perhaps feeling like a third wheel, Rayna calls it a night, leaving Jake and Fraser alone in the hot tub. Uh huh … we see you Fraser. At this point, it would stand to reason that Fraser is not privy to Jake’s “bottoming” desires, because as any ‘mo worth his salt knows, two bottoms does not a successful hookup make.


Before going to bed, we see Rayna texting an “I miss you ❤️” to some dude named Issa. “Oh Rayna, why did you do this?” she says in a confessional before admitting she’s currently banging talking to someone else. The plot thickens!