(((Paging Dr. Margaret Cho)))



It feels like the Real Housewives of Dallas was just getting started, and that’s always a good barometer for how well I’m enjoying a season. Season five is no exception. Although it took a minute to not miss the unfairly departed LeeAnne Locken, and warm up to newbie Tiffany Moon, I thoroughly enjoyed this season. Still, as we all know, oftentimes there is really nothing to reunionize about; however, this was not one of those times.


The women have all (been) flown to NYC where Andy Cohen has constructed a monstrosity of a set that is supposed to look like “Southfork”, the iconic homestead on the long running night time soap, Dallas. It was a major fail. Some tacky Native American rugs and plastic shrubbery against a makeshift white vinyl sided backdrop doesn’t an oil tycoon’s ranch make.


Apparently during the flight, both Brandi and Kary contracted the Corona virus, so they are zooming it in (this is why I’m still not getting on a plane, let alone on one headed for blanking NYC). Immediately, AC begins reading off tweets and emails, allegedly from loyal (sh*t disturbing) fans, giving each of the ladies turn in the hot seat, and also the opportunity to speak their truths.


Kary in particular, is already crying before the questions are even asked, and for good reason, because she is accused of talking about her daughter’s suicidal tendencies as a deflection for her own deplorable behavior throughout the season.  Although I hesitate to use the overused B word, Kary most definitely bullied D'Andra during the first part of the season. Then with a  little coaxing, Andy got Kary to spill her guts and tell the world (and by world, I mean the approx. 500K people watching) that she and Eduardo are splitting up.  Gosh, I didn’t see that one coming. The pettiness between she and D’Andra continues, but they tell each other (again) that they want to move past it. “When pigs fly! (in my Momma Dee voice).


Kameron is in the process of having her new furniture installed in her new $7M dollar mansion and assures Andy that she feels dearly departed “Sparkly Dog” all around her. In an attempt to shame Kameron for taking on the traditional role of wife and mother, asswipe Andy asks Kameron if she agrees that her marriage "pushes back women’s rights a hundred years" (he’s asking for a viewer). Kam tells Andy she is happy in her marriage (as the camera pans to D’Andta’s rolling eyes).



As fans know, Tiffany and Kameron have been butting heads all season long, and Kameron has come prepared with a pink box of receipts. She thinks Tiffany talks down to her because Tiffany has the audacity to correct her (contant) missuse of words. Tiffany simply tells Kameron that it’s her prerogative to sound stupid. Kam then attempts to blast Tiffany for her hilarous Tik Tok vids (which routinely poke fun at her mother), basically accusing HER of being a self-loathing Asian racist, but it’s another fail, as Tiff has some to this reunion turnt up. She shuts down Kam by confirming that “Yes, my mother has thrown countless shoes at my head”.  Have I mentioned how much I am loving Tiffany? Her comebacks are perfectly timed and deliciously snarky. She reveals that coworkers/superiors were against her joining the show, which makes me recall a recent interview with Heather McDonald’s Juicy Scoop, in which she says her patients at the hospital where she works are mainly “very low income non-English speaking people who don’t even have cable”. As a fan, my worry is she may in fact  choose her medical career over fame and adulation.  If I had to bet today, I would say she is a one and done. (((Paging LeeAnne)))!.


Brandi didn’t have a lot to say in this Part 1 (of 2) of the reunion, but I was glad to see she seemed like she is in a better head space than what has been reported. Of course that could all change next week when Andy brings up the rumors of her husband’s alleged cheating. I hope he goes easy on her, especially considering she’s stuck presumably quarantining in a NYC hotel room with her new baby.