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Speak Easy, Act Tough

 

I know I'm kind of skipping around with this, but Peacock's dropping the first three episodes all at once made it seem like one long episode.  Also, because there are no commercials (btw, the only way to go), you can't really tell where one ends and the next one begins. 

 

If I have one minor complaint, it is the way they take turns at being center stage with the drama, which feels inauthentic to me.  This is Dorinda's week, with Tamra and Jill on the receiving end.  When Dorinda starts to slur, it's only a matter of time before the ornery and combative Doris (the one that got her fired) comes out. It’s a shame because when Dorinda is having fun, she’s a delight.

 

The morning gets off to a rocky start when Brandi has to text Eva to tell her she is sorry for calling her husband a mangina.  You know it's a text that she has sent a hundred times before, and will again, probably before the second Trump administration.  Eva accepts Brandi's apology, but does want to know, exactly what is a "mangina"?  Brandi offers some half-baked explanation about Eva having a husband who steps up, which of course makes no sense whatsoever, but Eva accepts it

 

 

As all the ladies squeeze into their cheesiest ’80s workout gear for "Dorobics", Jill is making her "famous" chocolate chip banana muffins.  Before the workout begins, Dorinda ambushes Vicki and Tamra in the kitchen for eating food in their room.  It turns out, her housekeeper, Len, busted them even though everyone has been doing it.  Tamra is caught completely off guard, and then tells Dorinda that she wasn't aware of any such rule, but does admit that sexy butler, Marco, has been bringing yogurts to she and Vicki's bedroom.  Then in a talking head, Tamra reminds us that the hostess herself had left a box of personalized cupcakes in each of their rooms.  What did she expect them NOT to eat them?  But  Dorinda isn't having it, and then references the plaque with all the house rules on it which she placed on each nightstand.  Tamra tells Dorinda that she wasn't aware of any such "plaque" amidst such a cluttered room.  Dorinda tells her, “I don’t know what happens in YOUR house, but in MY house we don’t eat upstairs!  Got it?”.

 

Vicki does her best to get Tamra all riled by telling her that she would never treat a guest in her home that way.  As Tamra starts to cry, Dorinda tells Tamra that it’s not that serious, and for her to get over it, and then turns the waterworks on HER!  She then uninvites Tamra to the arobics class, leaving Tamra standing there looking like a fool in her neon pink and yellow leotard workout outfit.  Tamra finally snaps and storms off to her room.

 

After the ladies finish their Dorobics, they congregate in Vicki and Tamra's room to assess the damage brought on by Hurricane Dorinda, but Eva tiptoes past the room and says she’s avoiding drama, citing CDC guidelines.  Brandi says that Tamra, Vicki, and Dorinda are having some kind of "housewife off", because they are the most recentl Housewives "put on pause".  I don't know if that is necessarily true; but no one can argue that those three (along with Jill) have had a particularly hard time accepting their respective firings.  The booze certainly brings out the worst in Slurinda, but her freak-out on Tamra happened before Dorinda even had her first glass of wine of the day, and probably before her morning poop as well.  I really believe at the end of the day, that Dorinda is one of those mean bitter widows who just never get over their husband's deaths.

 

As with RHUGT season one, each of the women are responsible for planning an event reminscent of an iconic scene from their respective shows.  It's Taylor's turn, so she is dragging the ladies to a Mad Hatter tea party, like the one she threw for her daughter, Kennedy, all those years ago.  Suffice to say, she's not dropping $50K or gifting each of her guests with $5K diamond necklaces.  Still butt hurt, Tamra brings up Room Service Gate from the opposite end of the table,  and Dorinda says it's best not to make a mountain out of a mole hill ... Dorinda, Queen of Mount Mole Hill.  Jill tells Dorinda that Tamra needs a hug.  At first she refuses, but later acquiesces, and all is well at least for the time being.

 

That night, they have a Prohibition-themed dinner and bourbon tasting which is the perfect opportunity for Dorinda to introduce her new Bluestone Manor Bourbon.  While getting sloshed on the brown juice, Dorinda tells the women that BSM used to be a speak easy, and that they used to nearby Hudson River to transport the booze.  Dorinda's business partner puts on a little presentation on the art of bourbon making, and introduces the ladies to the term "bunghole", which he explains is simply a hole in a barrel.

 

Predictably, the brown liquor kicks in which brings out the devil in these women, and the party quickly divides between those who want to get naked and those who don’t.  To get things started, Dorinda has hired a burlesque dancer local stripper with a tight body who all of the women marvel over.  What? Dorinda couldn’t get a man? Was Bolo busy? Did Ridickulous have a previous booking? Hell, I would have even settled for the flabby Mexican strippers who dangled their junk in Tamra's face all those years ago.  Brandi and Tamra waste no time stripping down to their skivvies and Brandi rips Marco's shirt off.  He's not exactly what I would call ripped, but his body seems to do it for the ladies. Brandi and Tamra are in the kitchen whooping it up with the burlesque dancer who doesn’t know whether to finish her hot plate, go home, or have a lesbian three-way with the two women twice her age.

 

In the living room, everyone is winding down, but Dorinda is getting ready for her final blow-up of the day. This one will be directed at Jill.  Eva is doing her (Ricky Smiley's) radio show from the house at the crack of dawn, and Jill brazenly asks Eva if she can be a guest, so she can presumably QVC the shit out of her rugs on a national platform).  Talk about putting the "nervy" in Jew ... j/s.  Eva tries to let her down gently, but Jill doesn't want to take no for an answer and asks if she can just sit on the bed. At this point, Slurinda chimes in and scolds Jill.  "No Jill, we're not going to do that". It was a truly cringeworthy moment, but I'm not sure I completely disagree with Dorinda on this one.  But on the other hand,  it is Eva’s job to say no to her, and it's not Dorinda's place to be in charge of every conversation that takes place in BSM.  Jill's feelings are hurt and she announces she's going to bed. 

 

On the way to the interview room (where they all apparently have to check into each night before retiring), Jill passes Phaedra who asks why she's upset. Jill gets all teary over Dorinda's public humiliation, and then proceeds to unleash twenty years of ill feelings towards Dorinda.  Earlier in the episode, Jill filled Taylor in on their rocky history, claiming that she took Dorinda under her wing when Richard died and actually introduced her to RHONY.  But then when Jill's Bobby died, Dorinda did not reciprocate; and actually told her she would call her when she "was done filming".  Ouch!~   We know Jill likes to twist the truth, but I can easily see Dorinda doing this.

 

Dorinda joins the ladies in the interview room (attic), and instead of apologizing for being such a mean cunt, she gets even meaner, and turns the whole thing on Jill, asking her exactly how she has "supported" her.  “This is where you’re weak,” she says to Jill as she walks away. This is the drunk nastiness that has turned the viewers off about Slurinda.  I believe this is the cause of the "pause".  When I want to side with Jill Zarin (who's speaking voice alone grates on me like her acryllic nails down a chalkboard), you know it's bad.