Dazed and Excused

 

 

It's the morning of day three at Blue Stone Manor.  Butler Marco is distributing the itinerary for the to each of the ladies.  Day three will consist of Breakfast, a shopping trip in town, lunch, a field day competition, a lasagna bake-off between Dorinda and Brandi, and then a pajama party with games.

 

During their shopping trip in Great Barrington, Eva took the ladies to purchase some cannabis dispensary for some THC treats to enhance their time at BSM.  Turns out Eva is a real stoner, and is giddy as a kid in a candy store and leaves the dispensary with an abundance of goodies.  Most of the women are hesitant about partaking, except for Brandi who readily admits that she does some crazy shit when she's stoned, but Eva's goal is to see Taylor stoned.  Oddly enough, Tamra who is running a successful CBD business doesn't have much to say on the mattter, but the most likely scenario is that Bravo cut it out.  After all, they can hardly be associating themselves with a still controversial CBD business, especially when everyone knows Bravo get a piece of their talent's business adventures outside the their shows.

 

 

It’s been a while since we’ve seen the OG of the OC in action, but one thing is for sure; Vicki has not given up her shtick.  I mean what would a cast trip be without Vicki going to the hospital?  Fresh off her breakup with Steve and a bout with the Chinese Flu, Vicki is on her worst behavior.  Irritable and (chronically?) ill, Vicki has already gotten into it with Brandi and Dorinda ... and it's only day three. Dorinda’s beef with Vicki is under the guise of supporting Brandi, but personally, I think being the arrogant liberal bitch that she is, Dorinda was done with Vicki following the vaccination conversation.  In case you missed it, Dorinda was outraged that Vicki is a loud and proud self-proclaimed "anti-vaxxer".   Phaedra wasn't exactly thrilled with Vicki's stance either, but at least she handled it with humor and a sense of "it's her body, her choice". 

 

As the ladoes return from shopping, Vicki feels like her health is declining and requests to see the "house medic", who is clearly just some chick from production who is not even qualifed to administer a cortizone shot, so it's off to the local Urgent Care. Much to Dorinda’s annoyance, Jill only adds fuel to the fire with her consistent comments about how bad Vicki looks.   The countless snide comments between these two NYC shrews make it hard to remember that Dorinda and Jill supposedly have this decades long relationship. Of course it is possible that their long history is exactly what has led to all this animosity. 

 

Dorinda doesn’t let Vicki’s illness rain on the parade and moves forward with Field Day (after a moment of silence for the not-deceased Vicki).  I really hate these silly "Housewife Competitions" across the entire series, and this one is no exception.  In fact, this one falls so flat that you can almost hear production yelling "Cut!  This isn't working ladies!".  Incorporating the theme of each franchise (apples, diamonds, oranges, and peaches) into the obstacle course should have been a good idea, but it just didn't work.  

 

The activities on Dorinda’s itinerary continue with the "lasagna off" between the lady of the manor and Brandi.  Before we get started, have I ever mentioned that yours truly has a wierd aversion to consuming food at other people's homes?  Over the years, watching Giggy slurping out of martini glasses, Kyle’s dog eating off plates, and Dorinda squeezing lobster from their shells and licking her fingers while serving the lasagna, you can see why.  I’m rather finicky about food as it is, and adding saliva (human or animal) completely grosses me out ... and that isn't even factoring in the Coronavirus.  Maybe it's just me, but I just don't think that this is the time to be swapping spit.

 

Dorinda clrearly had the home advantage with it being her kitchen and all, but just to make sure she was the winner, it's quite possible that she sabotaged Brandi by stealing and/or hiding some of her ingredience.  Maybe that's why she used such unorthodox ingredience as lemon juice, red cabernet, celery, and crushed red pepper.  Dorinda revealed that her secret ingredient is cottage cheese, which is actually quite common.  This brought me back to the one (and only) time when my mom used cottage cheese and sour cream, which made me literally hurl at the table.  I remember she  felt so bad and promised to never stray from her delicious traditional recipe again.  

 

Let's talk about Brandi for a moment.  Beyond losing the lasagna off, Brandi has been having a rough time of it on this trip so far.  As we all know, she’s been a wild card since she joined the RHOBH cast in its second season, and despite her claims to have "grown and matured" since her time on the show, unfiltered sloppy Brandi is still coming out to play.  Maybe not to the point where we’re getting pictures with her tampon string hanging out, but her mouth is always getting her in trouble. Dorinda describes Brandi as having the face of an angel and the mouth of the serpent, but I'm going with a fallen angel who was cast out of heaven.  Her vocabulary and communication skills can be very brash, which is fine within her circle of friends, but you can’t go around calling mere acquaintances bitches or tell them to shut the fuck up.

 

In a scene that literally made me LoL, Vicki instructs Brandi that she's NOT going to talk to her that way ever again, and Brandi in her usual deadpan style, calmly responds by informing Vicki that she WILL make the effort, but can't guarantee Vicki that will be able to fulfill that pledge.  Eva then sums it up in a talking head by saying, "Brandi gonna try her best, but she letting you know that a fuck you may be coming your way".  Anyway, the ladies applaud Vivki and Brandi's truce and are pleased that they have at least found "some" resolution.

 

 

To cap off the evening, the ladies have a game night. Brandi tries to lighten the mood with inflatable dicks and hilarious conversations about ass play, which ironically removes the sticks from some of the lady's asses.  Next, they play a confession card game, and it’s clear Brandi is becoming increasingly  intoxicated and I have to assume, stoned.  As the game progresses, out comes the mouth of the serpent. To be fair, Brandi hasn't been on her show for a minute,  so I'm wondering if the adjustment to being back on camera is contributing to her already unfiltered behavior.  When Jill pulls a card that asking her what disappoints her about her own father, Brandi ominously warns Jill to watch what she says (referencing the camera crew).  As usual Dorinda has to involve herself in every conversation and becomes annoyed that Brandi stopped Jill from trashing her dad on national television, and then hereby declares that the game is over.  Dorinda has seriously taken this role as host way too seriously and has serious problems when the smallest of things don’t go her way. 

 

 

The episode ends with Brandi coming in to say goodnight to Vicki and Tamra, and Vicki starts choking on a pill.  Tamra then practically pops an implant (against Vicki's mic) when she performs the Heimlich maneuver on her.  Vicki says that she saw Jesus.   Have I mentioned how much I am enjoying this silly show?  If you're not watching, you are really missing out, because IMHO, it is quite possibly the best thing that Bravo and AC have ever given us.