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Return To Blue Stone Manor

 

 

 

The second season of Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip is back with eight former "real housewives", none of whom are currently employed on any of their original shows, aptly titled "Ex-Wives Club", courtesy of Taylor Armstrong.   From the breathtaking opening aerial shots of the estate to the frazzled hostess preparing for the ladies' arrival, it's clear that the real star of season 2 is Blue Stone Manor, although the women themselves  waste no time getting messy. 

 

We kick things off with a frantic Dorinda Medley, preparing for the ladies' arrival and then get reacquainted with the ladies via various scenes of their tenures on their respective shows.  Dorinda's package is particularly interesting as we revisit some of the more memorable RHONY meltdowns at Blue Stone Manor.  We revisit Luann's tantrum over having to sleep in the "fish room", Bethenny telling Luann that she "fucks everyone" and Bethenny spreading her legs while screaming "Tell it all!" to Ramona Singer, Sonja's many meltdown, and poor Dorinda screaming that "She tried to make it nice!".  Good times.

 

Making the trek to Dorinda's Massachusetts cottage are RHOC originals Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Judge, RHOA's Phaedra Parks and Eva Marcille, RHOBH Taylor Armstrong and Brandi Glanville, and original RHONY housewife Jill Zarin, who shows up in episode 2 as a "special mystery guest".  Whereas RHUGT's first season started off with a bang (Kenya and Ramona fighting on the flight to Turks & Cacos), the energy here is much more subdued.  Aside from Phaedra, (who is actually stoked), the other women are borderline dreading the trip, especially Vicki.  Tamra is unable to even pronounce "Massachusetts", and Eva has never even heard of The Berkshires, but she has discovered that Massachusetts has legalized the recreational use of weed, so she's good.  Why a wife of a politician and mother of three babies wants us to know that she's stoned is beyond me.  Something tells me her and dope dealer Tamra are going to get along really well.

 

Speaking of Tamra, the OC (whom Taylor is now a part of)  are all really not looking forward to the trip.  Poor Vicki has just been dumped by her fiancé, Steve (literally the day before), and both Taylor and Tamra have have unresolved issues with Brandi (who Tamra tells us "scares the shit out of her").

 

It's clear from the get go that Dorinda will be running a tight ship, complete with laminated cards containing the house rules placed on nightstands in each bedroom.  No shoes, or food shall be allowed upstairs, and she is to be addressed as "Lady of the Manor".  This of course in itself is bound to present a multitude of problems.  This got me thinking.  Producers set this season at Bluestone Manor for a reason, and it's not just to promote the holy hell out of Dorinda's AirBnb ... this destination was clearly chosen as a joke as it were; to punish this cast of ex-housewives.  There will be no all expenses paid trip to Turks & Caicos (Vicki's favorite tropical playground) ... no ma'am; Vicki's going to be whoopin' it up with the mosquitos in the middle of nowhere.  But here's the thing; Dorinda is not in on the joke.  Instead, Dorinda plays the part of hostess like she's just been elected President of this Season 2.

 

WIth every unenthusiastic arrival, the episode really gets going.  In true housewive fashion, the ladies go through the motions with the Lady of the Manor, but then express their true feelings via hilarious confessionals.  Brandi complains about having to sleep on a pull out couch, although you can't really blame her.  Vicki continuously comments about the remoteness of the area, and Taylor tells us that her tiny room is smaller than the one she grew up in.   Again, only the ladies of Atlanta seem to "get" Blue Stone Manor.  Phaedra expresses her genuine excitement over taying in the infamous "fish room", noting that she used to shark infested waters. 

 

Despite all the niceties, you get that feeling that Dorinda is just one Vodka Stinger  away from turning into the raging "Slurinda" whom we've all come to love and hate.  With each scene, Brandi is reclaiming her "unfiltered" reputation.  We are reminded that she and Taylor have ten year old unfinished business pertaining to Brandi's accusing Taylor of exploiting her husband "Russell's" suicide by writing a book before the man was even cold.  Brandi also has issues with Tamra, ever since  calling her "sociopath" in response to Tamra calling Brandi "unstable".

 

After the ladies all settle in, lunch is served out by the pool.  The women continue to get acquainted by sharing their feelings over being fired, but Dorit clearly has an issue with the F-word and announces that her tenure with Bravo is merely on "pause".  The ladies all start laughing hysterically as Brandi asks, "Does this bitch mean MENO-pause?".  Dorinda takes it in stride, but as Taylor notes, the drinks are flowing, and that is always a recipe for disaster. 

 

Vicki's day old break-up with opportunistic dirtbag Steve Lodge is brought up.  As the women all try to console and lift her up, Dorinda takes on a different approach by declaring Vicki as too wishy-washy;  in fact, Dorinda always comes to hate the "grey" people in her life.   Somehow the conversation then turns to Brandi's bisexuality which the ATL girls are amazingly hearing about for the first time.  Tamra asks us "Does the name Denise Fcking Richards not ring a bell?".  Brandi says she's looking forward to some naked time with the ladies.  Before retiring to rest up for their first dinner (brawl) together, Brandi informs Taylor that she wants to have "the conversation".  

 

 

But before their nappy poos, Brandi visits Dorinda's room (specifically her bed) which the hostess declares as The United Nations for Housewives.  Their cuddle time is interrupted by Tamra who is handing out CBD gummies hangover gift bags for each of the ladies. Dorinda leaves so Brandi and Tamra can work out their issues ... and they do just that, although it's really just a truce.  IMO, it was never that serious in the first place. 

 

 

Before dinner, Brandi and Taylor do in fact have the conversation, and although the Brandi seems happy, Taylor tells us that she's actually even MORE pissed, because Brandi has this way of making everything about HER, even telling Taylor that she loved her family, and that SHE was really the one mourning Russell's loss.  I have to say, I didn't see that one coming, and she's just getting started.

 

 

It's night one at Blue Stone Manor, and Dorinda (meaning her army in the kitchen) has prepared a sumptuous seafood feast.  The ATL girls have never been to a clam bake, and are particularly intrigued, so Dorinda proceeds to demonstrate not only the proper dismemberment of a rock lobster, but then proceeds to stuff the hot buttery delicacy into Phaedra's mouth.  The table is enthtalled, but Brandi in particular, as they simultaneously play the iconic scene of Taylor engulfing the cotton candy (*cue the sexy saxophone).

 

 

Brandi seizes the opportunity to reiterate how sad Russell's death was for HER.  Tamra looks at Brandi like "Huh?  Are you kidding with this shit?", but Brandi only doubles down saying that she was the new girl and it was a lot to go through!   Taylor calmly tries to explain that she literally had NO MONEY and was offered an advance, so she had to act fact, but Brandi then says she was broke too, and ... blah blah blah ....  Then when Vicki tries to explain to Brandi how ridiculous she sounds, Brandi screams to her "Shut the fuck up!", and then it's game on.   Waving her finger at her, Vicki tells (a totally trashed Brandi) that she will NOT talk to her that way.  A slurry Brandi replies, "I'll talk to you any way I want".  To be continued.

 

I loved every second of this premier.  It was one of those rare perfect episodes that gave us everything, and even more than we expected. As many of us have been discussing for quite some time now, here and everywhere else, we were long overdue, but they came through.  If the RHUGT series is indeed just one big audition for some of our discarded housewives to be called back for duty, then Bravo should be very busy writing up new contracts.

 

Even though Peacock has already released the first three episodes, I'm going to pace myself, and will run one down once a week, between now and July 21.  So what did everyone else think?

 

Side note:  Forgot to mention that for everyone who is relunctant about paying for Peacock (like me), Spectrum (formally Charter) is giving 3 free months of both premiums packages; you just have to remember to cancel after that time or they will start billing you.  I just hope it doesn't turn into a Sirius (XM) thing where you never want to be without it, and now that the Real HW"s series is moving to Peacock only (this Fall), they probably have me as a lifer.