Finsta Fight

 

 

As you may or may not have noticed, I skipped last week's RHOSLC recap, mostly because I didn't have the time, but also because I'm losing interest in this franchise (among others). At first, I thought Jen Shah's unexpected confession might add an interesting twist on the show, but it became apparent in the very first episode that that would not be the case.  Instead, we get Shah's continued claim of innocence, and even worse, her tiresome "victim" routine. Andy Cohen was not only gobsmacked, but reportedly furious ... and for good reason, because in essence, this season is now a complete wash.  Because there is no acknowledgement of Jen's 180, the content is dated, and God knows that in the age of social media leaks and countless competing podcasts all trying to get "the scoop", so many of these shows are already dated enough.  However, to help battle the situation, some of the production teams are now knocking out the finished products in record time, so props to them. 

 

But with great trepidation, on with the show.  The episode begins with another one of those scratchy "war time" newsreels, catching us up on various dramas, but then we're transported back into 2022 (actually 2021) as Shrek decides to start a choir.  She tells us that since leaving the church, she realizes that she misses praising God in a group setting (of like-minded apostates like her).  So she hires some swishy leather queen and alleged American Idol "finalist" who no one ever heard of to hold choir auditions.  Even if they do form a group, where are these lost souls going to perform?  It sure as hell ain't going to be with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. 

 

 

Coach Sheriff takes Jen on a romantic date night to an indoor trampoline park.  Jen tries to act confused about why they're there, but is conveniently dressed in tennis shoes and tights.  In the foam pit, Jen tells Sheriff all about some dumb Instagram account called ShahXposed which routinely attacks her and Lisa Barlow.  Jen reveals that one Angie Harrington’s husband, Chris, is the person behind the account.  Who is Angie Harrington you ask? Angie is the chick who has allegedly been spreading the rumors about Lisa Barlow extra-marital sexcapades.  She also not only a Jen Shah hater, but most likely her replacement on the show (when she goes away).

 

Speaking of Lisa, she and handsome hubby John are still concerned about their 17 year old son, Jack's, sudden disinterest in going to college.  You may recall that he recently told his mom, “fudge college”.  It seems some “really big entrepreneur guys" told him that college was a waste of time, and besides, he's already got his own company, Fresh Wolf (not to be confused with the old Michael J. Fox movie).  Lisa and John are worried that Jack has a false sense of reality about how easy things actually are because of the help they gave him with Teen Fresh Wolf. Ironically, Jack says he’s eager to make it big so people don’t think he’s just “daddy’s money”.  I know it's always easy to parent shame, but it never ceases to amaze me how parents today spoil the shit out of their kids and then wonder why they're delusional morons .... and my fambly is no exception. 

 

 

Whitney Rose and her husband, Justin, are dealing with his being fired from his corporate job of nine years.  Witless wants us to believe that he was fired for her slutty behavior (which she's very proud of), but as some may know, there have been rumblings about Justin's questionable illegal activities within the company since the show started. Justine is going with the primary reason being Whitney’s role as a public figure, but confesses that their “Love Is Art” project, where they stripped down to their scivvies and writhed around on the floor while simulating sex might have sealed his fate.  But regardless, the timing could not be worse, especially since they sunk their life's saving into her Wild Rose beauty line. 

 

Meanwhile, a slightly more traditional business meeting unfolds over at Beauty Lab, where Heather is working on opening a second location. Business has allegedly been booming, because apparently nothing suggests "beauty" like Shrek promoting drive-thru botox services.  Heather is stressed out about her book, "Bad Mormon", and keeps putting it off because while she's trying to "be true to her story", but she doesn't want to betray her family.  Heather also has a bee in her bonnet because Lisa sent her a text wishing her father a pointless "get well soon" message not knowing that he was already in hospice and dying.

 

Lisa and Whitney take a yoga class, which is one of those dumb RHOSLC scenes that are set up for the sole purpose of moving the scripted story line along.  So we get about 20 seconds of actual yoga footage and a few minutes of Whitney telling Lisa  that she needs to give Heather a call.  Lisa says she’ll just see her at the choir audition.

 

 

Meredith and Seth have (an awkward) dinner with Angie and her husband, "53 year old" Chris Harrington.  These obviously don't know each other,  so it makes zero sense,  but Angie says their sharing the experience of being on the receiving end of Lisa’s wrath bonded them. Speaking of which, Angie does admit to gossiping about Lisa with Witless, but she's not admitting to spreading rumors about Lisa blowing NBA players for courtside tickets.  According to 53  year old Chris, the last time they saw John Barlow was at a Utah Jazz game where John Barlow told him to "get the fuck away from him".  This shocks the Marks' as well as anybody who’s ever met John Barlow; a man who says "cuss" instead of "curse", and raised a teenage son who says “fudge” instead of "fuck".

 

“Do you think it could have been fueled by what happened on Instagram?” Angie wonders, prompting Chris to come clean about ShahXposed. “In a very immature moment … I created a fake account,” he says, claiming that he was frustrated by the attacks against his wife. This is some batshit crazy behavior that we’re getting from these two right from the jump, and the most hilarious part of it all is their cavelier attitude like "Ok, you caught us".  God knows that on any other franchise, they would taken this to their graves.  Clearly taken aback, Meredith says, “Okay, so yes, I do think it’s not great”,  but she quickly adds that she’s heard Lisa has been doing the same thing.

 

Jen is not quite as forgiving.  She has Heather over to fill her in on what she is now calling cyberbullying.  No girlfriend, cyberbullying is when a 50 yr. old mattress "likes" an online post of someone calling your friend's gay teenage son a sissy bitch (even if he is one). Having just hosted a 5-year-old’s alien-themed birthday party, the Shah rental is filled with inflatable green martians, so Shrek is clearly in her element.  Jen says Lisa came to her with the information on Chris, but when she called Angie, she denied it.  Next thing she knows, Chris is calling to apologize — and she asks why he’d name it that: “Well, it was available, so I took the name”.   Heather feigns outrage because once again, she's caught in the middle of her two friends.

 

All of these women and their respective grudges are coming together to audition for Heather’s fake choir, which gives us painful footage od Lisa rehearsing Away in a Manger and Whitney and Angie, in costume, dancing and singing When the Saints Go Marching In.  It was cringy, but at least it made more sense than the Fosters hosting a When The Saints Go Marching dinner party sing-along.  We know RHOSLC has one of the lowest production budgets in the series, but would it break the bank to pay the royalties for a few songs that actually make sense? 

 

Turnout at the auditions themselves is lackluster to say the least, and Jen agrees; she was expecting American Idol and got Utah Idol. “There’s five people, and four of them are related to Heather,” she says. Jen and Meredith think they’re showing up to judge, but little do they know Heather has a fully staffed "panel", so Jen is resigned to being the day’s Ryan Seacrest, which makes Meredith the Brian Dunkleman of Salt Lake City.