Revenge Marks The Spot

 

 

The episode begins with a grainy montage of confessionals from season one. Mormon escapees, Whitney Rose and Heather Gay, are introducing themselves as cousins, brunette besties, Meredith Marks and Lisa Barlow, are declaring their unbreakable friendship, and Jennifer Shah is "Doing what ya gotta do to make money" and bragging making millions of dollars on "direct response marketing".  However, there are no visible signs of life from defamed comedian Bill Cosby's niece and defrocked Pastor Mary Crosby, or the de-cancelled former Vietnamese refugee, one Jenny Nguyen.     

 

Flash ahead to present day.  With fountain soda in hand, Lisa Barlow is letting her assistant husband know that she's off to lunch with Heather (who from now on will officially be known as Shrek), whom she hopes can orchestrate a peace treaty between herself and Meredith.  You will recall that last season ended in a hot mic moment, when Lisa was heard screaming that Meredith has fcked  every dude in NYC.  The accusation seems just as absurd a year later ... I mean really, straight men in NYC?  Lisa asks for Shrek's advice on how to dig herself out of this mess with Meredith.  But Heather tells her that she's just going to have to  eat a lot of crow to get out of this one.

 

Meanwhile former nemesis, Meredith and Jen Shah, meet at rooftop pool where they just stand in waist deep water and sip champaigne. Just so we're all up to speed, these two are working on their friendship ever since Jen was accused of "liking" a SM post that called Meredith's swishy son, Brooks, a "sissy bitch".  Meredith is still mourning the loss of her father, and Jen tells Meredith that her trial is starting next month.  Mind you this is filmed long before Jen Shah came clean and threw herself on the mercy of the court. 

 

 

Despite being in debt for millions of dollars in legal bills (and forthcoming restitution), Jen thinks it's a good idea to throw a lavish 53rd birthday party for her accomplice husband, "Coach" Shah.  She gives Meredith the heads up that she has invited Lisa and John Barlow, and Meredith assures Jen that she can remain civil while being in the same room with Lisa, but not before telling Jen that she's been hearing rumors about Lisa's ex-marital escapades as well.  Jen is skeptical that these two will ever become besties again and thinks that Meredith should monetize Lisa's comments by making "Garbage Trash Whore" T-shirts. 

 

 

Whitless has Shrek over to discuss the evils of Mormonism and her decision to be become completely ex-communicated from the Mormon church.  You see, Whitney is newly "woke" (via energy healer), and she wants to make sure her two children (didn't know she had any) don't fall prey to the Mormon church.  Even though she (and Shrek) are no longer active members, Whitney claims that the church still tracks her whereabouts, routinely shows up at her home asking for donations, and is always actively trying to recruit her children. 

 

 

But Shrek cautions Whitney, reminding her that the Mormon church keeps a "ledger" so to speak, for God, and removing your name from the ledger means that you are basically damning yourself to the pits of Hell.  Shrek herself is not there yet; not for the sake of her soul, but because she knows that (officially) ex-communicating herself from the Mormon church would be "the final blow" between she and her family. 

 

Jen and Coach Sheriff are discussing the details of his birfday party.  The crappy rental that they have downsized into simply won't do, so new "friend of" (and probable replacement), Angie, agrees to host the party at her home.  The theme will be Harlem Nights, Coach's favorite movie.  In case you didn't know, Harlem Nights is an old Eddie Murphy/Richard Prior movie from the 80's.  But don’t be fooled, this is merely a black version of just another Real Housewives Great Gatsby  party.

 

 

It's the night of the party, and guests are arriving at Angie's magnificent mountain top mansion.  This will be Lisa's first time seeing everyone since her tyrade, and she is particularly nervous about seeing Meredith.  While she hopes that eventually Meredith will be open to moving past all this, she says that if it were the other way around, she wouldn’t throw away a 10-year friendship.  But I'm gessing that that claim will be put to the test when Lisa sees the footage of Meredith calling HER a whore.

 

The party appears to be going well.  There's dancing and gambling, and Jen makes a toast to her partner in crime for sticking by her during such "difficult times".  I maintain there's no way in hell Sheriff wasn't involved.  How does a spouse not question where MILLIONS of dollars are coming from?  It makes zero sense.  The only thing I can think of is he was given complete immunity for helping the Feds gather the evidence against his wife, and hopefully it will all come out one day.  Sounds crazy, but the Feds often make deals with the loved ones whom they are investigating (just ax Phaedra). 

 

At the party, Meredith and Lisa's respective husbands, Seth and John, vow to remain buds as their wives attempt to destroy each other while  Shrek cozies up to some fat and out-of-shape former basketballer.  Eventually Lisa approaches Seth and apologizes for her tyrade.  Like Kathy Hilton backpedaling with Kyle, she tells him that she doesn't know why she said it, because she certainly doesn't think it, and like Lisa Rinna, Seth says, "Then why did you say it?". 

 

Lisa then does a similar drive-by with Meredith.  She tells her that while this party is not the place to do it, she really hopes that at some point, Meredith will agree to talk with her.  Meredith is seemingly receptive, but then in a talking head, says that Lisa has had two months to reach out (but never did). Yes, Meredith, but cameras weren't rolling.  

 

As the other women watch the confrontation with bated breath, Whitless announces her plans for the season's first ultimate girl's trip. Announcing these trps at events is becoming rather tiresome, but I'm not complaining.  Bethenny had to flaunt her Skinny Girl success in Tequila, Mexico. Meghan King McDill Edmonds Cuffe King had to find her Irish relatives in Dublin, Ireland.  Melissa Gorga had to some shopping for her boutique in Milan, Italy.  But I think we're breaking new ground here with Whiney throwing a going away party for Jen in Scottsdale , AZ.