Sorry’s and Sleepovers

 

We start exactly where we left off last week.  All the women are all fullfilling their contracts by participating in a girl's trip to Zion, UT.  At dinner on the front lawn of the ugly home which has been converted into a Utah Airbnb, Jen and Meredith have lost their ever lovin' minds and are screaming at each other. Meredith has performed the first of her many walk-offs, but returned, only to have Whitney stir the pot by suggesting that Meredith and/or Mary must have had something to do with Jen being indicted, because they weren't on the spinter bus to Vale or Zion.  Meredith just laughs, and does her second walk off.

 

 

  

Whitney chases after her, giving her the chance to show off her white lace Annie Get Your Gun getup with peekaboo cut outs displaying her nasty tatts, and convinces Meredith to come back to the table.  But it all just goes to shit again, and Meredith does another walk off, this time retreating to her safe space of her bedroom.  She calls her son, Brooks, and with the speaker on, tells him that everyone is accusing her of ratting out Jen Shah to the Feds.  Brooks' response is “If you turned her in, who gives a fuck?!”.  Apparently there's a 1-800-Rat-Out-a-Friend direct number to the FBI.  Meredith then says, “These are not my friends; I need to wipe the whole circle out”.  Unbeknownst to her, Jen is creeping outside her door in her Gucci jammies, and then comes in and asks Meredith if they can talk.  Meredith explains she simply didn’t want to be on the bus because she just couldn't take five hours of drama, and then reassures Jen that she does have compassion for her. They laugh/cry together and then hug it out.

 

 

It’s the next morning, and although everyone went to bed happy (and very drunk) the night before, Meredith apparently had an epiphany in her sleep and has woke up screaming, literally.  With Heather and Whitney in one bed, and Jen and Lisa in the other, they all hide under the covers listening to Merediths gutteral rants.  So with a Perrier in hand, Lisa goes to Meredith's side and in that Lisa Barlow voice than I can already hear Amy Phillips imitating, says, "Oh no, what happened?".  Meredith says she's very pissed about being accused of using her late father's memorial as an excuse not to ride in the bus with the cast. It's outrageous and she simply will not put up with it!

 

Meanwhile down in the kitchen, the other women are also discussing the situation over omelettes.  When Jennie chimes in, Mary, in her Brooks Marks track suit, dismisses Jennie and says "I can't with this one". Miss Congeniality Heather then scolds Mary, telling her that Jennie matters, and that Mary's behavior is not acceptable.  Mary retorts, "Oh you WILL accept it, and no, she doesn't matter to me!".  Jennie finally speaks up and waves Mary on, signaling that she is one who is dismissed. Meredith and Lisa join everyone in the kitchen, and Heather pleads with all the ladies to put their differences aside to enjoy a day of "being one with Mother Earth".

 

 

The group arrives at East Zion Resort, for a day of ATV four-wheeling and rock climbing. All the ladies seem really excited; even Mary who tells us that she grew up in Utah doing these things; however, she not ok with having to stare at so many nipples.  The park really is magnificent, but definitely not for the faint hearted ... I was shocked that some of these women were able to participate. 

 

Back at the villa, the ladies are all completely exhausted, but Whitney tells the group that that they all need to rally, and get all glammed up, because they're going to Club Zion.  Jennie tells the chefs to bring in all the food, and then proceeds to set up a casual buffet-style dinner for the ladies.   Jen Shah is the last to sit down because she was busy with her glam squad.  In a confessional, Jen tells us that she never travels without her squad, and then says "You're welcome", jokingly sparing us from her hideous natural self.  I thought it was pretty funny, but considering her mother drained her retirement savings to help the Shahs out with the alleged millions of dollars in legal bills, I think the negative feedback is inevitable, and rightly so. 

 

Everything is going well at dinner.  Meredith asks each of the ladies which part of the day was their favorite, and Mary apologizes to Jennie.  Actually, apologizes is probably not the right word ... Mary clarifies to Jennie that she didn't mean anything personally; that she's just that way a mean c*nt with strangers.  A strange bird that Mary, and I particularly like Jennie either, so I really don't have any horse in this race. Agreeing with her politically doesn't take away from the fact that she's just terribly miscast on this show.  Although it's probably water under the bridge at this point for Jennie, she tells us in confessional that she attended anger management classes for a year because one night she kept throwing things as her husband, and eventually broke a rib.  Maybe he brought up Sister Wives and again, and deserved it. 

 

 

After dinner the woman all go to "Club Zion", which it turns out is just downstairs.  Who knew desert homes had basements?  The ladies all get completely toasted and all take turns showing off their best dance moves.  Meredith shimmies her boobs, Jennie works the stripper pole like nerdy librarian, Whitney grinds on the floor doing "the worm", Mary dances like a lesbian, and Lisa does a model catwalk-like dance and  then channels Kyle Richards by doing the splits.  Thankfully we were spared seeing Heather strutting her stuff.

 

It was a pleasant evening without any fighting, but all that changes next week when Lisa calls Meredith "a whore who F-ed half of New York".  I'm buying tickets to that one!