The Miseducation of Mary Cosby

 

Jennie’s Vietnamese summit luncheon may be over, but they (and we) are far done from talking about it. It’s the next day, and Jennie is taking some Cheesecake Factory takeout to her chiropractor husband, Duy’s, office. Per the standard  stale housewife script, they proceed to discuss the ugly events at her luncheon the day before, this time for the cameras, as if anyone believes that this is the first time that Duy is hearing about it. When Jennie gets to the part where Mary “complimented” her on her yellow tones and slanted eyes, Duy shares with Jennie that “slanted eyes” is a trigger for him, stemming all the way back to his childhood. This only fuels Jennie’s outrage towards Mary even more, but first, we must endure Jennie’s PSA on “Asian hate”.  However, I do have to give the show props for at least having the balls to call out the proper ethnicity of the one doing the (Asian) hating this time. Somewhere in Dallas, TX, Brandi Redmond is letting out a sigh in relief.

 

In an attempt to portray them as “friends”, production sets up a luncheon between Mary and Meredith. As they sit down, Mary tells Meredith that she woke up just "knowing" that God wanted her to meet with her Meredith  on this day. They too rehash the events at Jennie’s luncheon, and even though Mary knows damn well that she’s knee high in deep politically incorrect do do, she then makes matters even worse by imitating Jennie’s Vietnamese accent. At this point, I’m thinking, either this woman is indeed certifiably nuts, or she’s just truly one of those rare hw’s who just truly does not GAF.

 

Meredith tells Mary, “No characters please”. Like everyone else, I’m getting tired of Bravo’s teachable moments, and while I feel bad for (the late) Tiffany Moon, Crystal Kung Foo, and Jennie being used as props, I have to believe that they are more than willing participants. Now that I think about it, RHONY’s Asian Jewels was actually the first … ‘memba her?  Oh wait, she was only half Asian, so I guess she doesn't count.  Anyway, Mary quickly changes the subject, giving Meredith the opportunity to talk about Lisa and Jen. Mary tries to stir the pot, but Meredith doesn’t bite and simply tells her that she doesn’t quite know how she’s feeling about Lisa these days.

 

Whitney Rose is busy organizing her  Wild Rose Beauty launch “event”. Cousin Heather arrives to give Whitney a pep talk over her fears about spending all of the family’s life savings, to help stuff gift bags, and of course to talk about the other women. Whitney brings up Mary’s comment to the ladies that Jen Shah’s situation was basically long overdue, thus putting out into the universe that Mary might have ratted out Jen. Then in a rather ineffective mic drop moment, Whitney asks Heather “How did the Feds know Jen was at Beauty Lab (Heather’s laser treatment facility)? I guess it’s possible that maybe Mary is indeed God, or Meredith was somehow privy to Jen’s shady shenanigans and told Mary who then tipped off the Feds, but but both scenarious seem rather unlikely.

 

But regardless, Jen Shah’s campaign to present herself as Mother Teresa continues as we watch her putting together hygiene packs for people in need, all the while complaining about how having to downsize (their rental) will really affect the lives of all the losers who are  living with her benefiting from Jen's alleged crimes. But hey, if I were looking at doing serious time in the slammer for ripping off the elderly, and then insisted on doing a reality TV show (most likely against the advice of um …. everyone), I too would be putting that camera time to good use by making myself look like Saint Jen of Arc.

 

Jen continues to play the victim (everything is happening TO her), and then for good measure, Jen’s mother shows up, telling Jen, “I believe in you and I know you’re innocent.”. As if this isn’t cringy enough, we then learn that mom is cashing out her life’s savings to help pay for Jen’s legal defense.  Yeah tell us again what a big shot Coach Sheriff is. 

 

After a few lighter scenes, of Heather gifting her business partner with an Audi SUV, and Lisa’s son attending his first prom, the episode concludes with Whitney’s launch party. Everyone has received their call times and has reported on the set. Jennie is there with guns a blazing; ready to confront Mary about her racist comments, and by guns I mean those obnoxious rhinestone Loubies that Mary non apologetically gave her (because “she was getting rid of them anyway”) . Completely unaware of the shit storm that is coming her way, Mary arrives (solo as usual) and obsesses about the lack of a coat check. Meanwhile, Meredith is furious that she is once again being forced to be in the same room as Jen. In a talking head, Meredith wonders if her cast mates are “hard of hearing”, adding that “It feels like I’m being forced.”. Yeah Mere, it’s called doing a reality TV show and fulfilling a contractual obligation.

 

Per every scene at every HW event known to mankind, Jennie gets all the women into a separate room, where she can perform her big confrontation scene with Mary. Jennie let’s Mary know that she’s more or less “onto her”, and ain’t buying Mary’s “complimenting” her on her slanted eyes. She then takes out said Louboutin ankle boots and returns them to Mary. Interestingly, Mary is not her usual combative self, but seems genuinely surprised and even a little hurt. Now either Mary is truly shocked by such an allegation and completely unaware that she made such a  racist comment, or she is one damn good actress.

 

Mary then says, “I love slanted eyes”, actually quite convincingly (at least where I’m sitting), and searches for even a glimmer of support from just one, ANY of the women, but gets none. Then in a completely unintentional hilarious bit, the women all get sidetracked and comment on how cute the ankle boots are, and Jen Shah offers to take the disingenuous gift off of Jennie’s hands.

 

But back to Mary … like a trapped rat, she then changes the narrative by asking if anyone else thought that the comment was offensive. Now mind you, ALL of the women had plenty to say about the matter in talking heads, but now it is as if they are standing in front of the Blessed Mary herself awaiting their respective judgments, they all just simply look down. Maybe there really is something to this cult-like mind control thing that Mary seems to have over people.

 

Finally, Meredith offers a wimpy “I don’t know if it would be offensive or not, but I just wouldn’t say it.”. Then in a clever talking head that is positively perfect for the event, Whitney says, “I like my friends how I like my skin care; nontoxic and cruelty free.”. Apparently inspired by Meredith’s courage, Lisa Barlow then reluctantly brings up Mary’s “Mexican thugs” remark that she made when they were all talking about Jen’s arrest during the women’s trip to Vail. But Mary doesn’t try to defend this comment, and instead opts for convenient memory loss. Meredith throws Mary a life jacket by saying that the group’s bad behavior in general “goes well beyond prejudice”, adding that the real problem is that everyone is being two-faced to Jen. Mary then gets up and proceeds to storm out (apparently, you can call Mary a full on racist, but calling her two faced is just too much). Meredith follows her, pleading for her to come back. But Mary only convinces Meredith to leave WITH her.

 

The preview for the rest of the season looks pretty good, but now on episode 15, I’m thinking that we must getting close to the end, and most likely, a four part reunion that is sure to be all about Jen Shah. Speaking of Jen Shah, I’ve come to the conclusion that I really don’t want her to be (found) guilty. Not because I necessarily like her mind you, but because she is great reality TV and in a weird twisted way, she single handedly saved the RHOSLC certain cancellation.