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RHOP Rundown: S6 EP3 Jiminy Crickets!
The episode begins with Robyn stumbling out of bed just long enough to get her two boys off to school, that is double-clicking “connect” for their respective remote zoom sessions. She then goes back to sleep, only to be awakened an hour later by her annoyed ex-husband and alleged fiance standing at her door telling her to “be better”. I think the annoying liberal expression is “do better:, but whatever.
On last week’s episode, via a Ferrero Rocher chocolate gift box invitation which Gizelle promptly tossed into the trash (I hope she at least enjoyed the chocolate), Karen had the group and their significant others over for a “Love and Light” soiree. BTW, do these women ever just text “My crib Fri 7pm drinks/dinner”? Gizelle obviously declined, as did Robyn, but in a effort to “move forward” with Karen, Candiace showed up. If you recall, Candiace passed on Wendy’s boob unveiling dinner party because she’s still mad at Karen for NOT jumping on the “we-want-Monique-fired-for-assaulting-Candiace train. I’m guessing production told her that if she wanted to keep her job, she WILL show up for filming. Anyway, Karen thanks Candiace for showing up, but cautions her “this isn’t the place (to have it out), so Candiace invites Karen over see her new home (to have it out).
Flash ahead to the present. Karen arrives at Candiace’s new home, and after a brief tour, they settle in her new dining room filled with pretty green HomeGoods chairs. After enjoying some grapes and cheese on her new HomeGoods charcuterie board, they get to the conversation at hand. But the peace talks go nowhere. Karen tells Candiace that she doesn’t regret trying to understand Monique’s side, so like the petulant child that she is, Candiace tells Karen that from here on out, they will simply “keep it surfacey”. I actually respect Karen for not giving into Candiace, which would have been very easy; especially considering the fact that Monique is gone.
If you recall, Robyn has started a (bedazzled) baseball cap business, and she and her friend assistant, Askale (pronounced “Ass Collie”), are at Robyn’s warehouse busy packing up 350 internet orders, which at around $30 bucks a pop, equates to around $10K in business (I did the math). Wendy joins them, which is of course just an excuse for Wendy to fill Robyn in on the fight she had with new cast member Mia, at Karen’s “Love and Light” party. Wendy then tells Robyn that she’s starting a side business of her own, selling candles. Going from professor and political commentator to candle maker confuses the sh out of Robyn; however, I have a feeling it makes perfect sense to most viewers (side eye). Robyn and Wendy simultaneously receive an invitation from Gizelle (by normal text!) inviting them to a “Pampers Party” for Ashley.
The kissing of the Grand Dame’s ring continues as Wendy arrives at Karen’s for some advice on starting up a business. No shade here, because in six seasons, Karen IS the only cast member who has launched a legitimate business, even if it is just selling old lady perfume at Bloomingdales. Wendy doesn’t know the first thing about opening a business, but tells Karen that she wants to be the black Martha Stewart. Someone should probably tell her that Snoop Dog already has the jump on her. As Karen attempts to maintain a straight face, she tells Wendy that she needs a formal business plan (more than just a short paragraph jotted down on a memo pad), and then tells her to double her budget. With a now $40K inve$tment, Wendy is going to have to sell a hella bunch of candles. Perhaps she can get in contact with Dad Jeans Edmonds or Det. Meghan.
The women all arrive at some obscure spa for Ashley’s Pampers Party. THis got me thinking; I really need to step up my game, because I’ve yet to be offered a glass of champs and/or hors d'oeuvres at my local Massage Envy. Robyn has brought along Ass Collie and it suddenly occurs to me this chick is the new part time housewife. The blowout, full makeup, and red-heeled Loubie booties that she was wearing at Robyn’s warehouse should have tipped me off.
While Gizelle and Karen don’t even acknowledge each other’s existence, Wendy and Mia immediately begin to go at it again. Wendy tries to deliver her new and improved second season (sexy) “Zen Wen” persona, but fails miserably. She is no match for sharp tongued Mia, who incidentally confessed that she was indeed a little more than “just a bartender” at the strip club. Turns out she was an escort, but assures her cast mates that the mens never asked for sex (insert howling laughter emoji here ____). As Ashley so hilariously put it in one of her talking heads, this probably explains Mia’s overworked “bean” and subsequent clitbean-ectomy.
I never thought I would be saying this, but I am enjoying the hell out of the ladies of Potomac. Sure, they are all frauds and fakes, but it's almost like they are in on the joke. The franchise has found it's sixth season sweet spot, and the bottom line is they make me laugh, and I can't ask for anything more than that.
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