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RHONY Rundown: S13 EP13 Ho Ho Holidays
Sonja is conducting a business meeting at her dilapidated townhouse with sleazy business partner Uncle Fester Gaurav and Laura, the VP of Sonja Morgan Brands. Don’t ask me when this become a legitimate business. Then we have Will, a “former intern”, advising Sonja as well as some part time NYU student. Sonja was smart enough to invite Ramona to attend it as well. Say what you will about Ramona, but she has built a very successful business and made a lot of money.
From the get go, it’s very apparent that Ramona doesn’t trust this Gaurav character. Sonja asks Gaurav how much money they’re making, but he just dances around the question, telling Sonja that "she will reach Martha Stewart level sooner than we thought.”. But of course that’s just bullshit, because not even Bethenny is at Martha Stewart’s level, and God knows Bethenny is who all Housewives aspire to be. No one here is telling the truth, or for that matter, making any sense. Gaurav alleges that Sonja’s company makes $50K a month, so Ramona asks, “So why isn’t Sonja getting any money from it?” A very fair point. Gaurav says that Sonja has the $10K in uncashed checks. Sonja says that he sent her a $2,000 check and it was “such an insult” that she lost it and never cashed it. What? I once cashed a check for a buck fifty from American Family because they apparently overcharged my homeowner’s policy. The fact that Sonja can’t even afford to add shrimp to her cob salad at Tavern on the Green is insane.
Speaking of food, Sonja shows up to lunch with Luann and Ramona the day after her and Ramona’s joint birthday party and brags about how she hooked up with Dylan, the smarmy looking long-haired model dude at the party. Knowing that she's lying, Lu then sets the trap and asks Sonja point blank if they had sex and Sonja says, “Did I have sex with him? I can’t even walk today ... I’m Sonja Morgan!”. We can assume that’s a yes.
Later at Luann’s video shoot, Ramona tells Luann that while Sonja did indeed go to Dylan’s hotel room, it turns our, his girlfriend was there too … and Sonja passed out in the bed. Luann’s gay, Hank, had to come at 2AM, get her in a car, and take her home. This got me thinking; if Hank had only gone with Luann (to West Palm Beach) a few Christmases ago. What’s worse, Sonja even left the caviar she was gifted with in the hotel room! Mic drop. Lu and Mona proceed to tell everyone that Sonja totally made up having sex with the young hottie, but Sonja tells Leah that she knew the girlfriend was there, but she wanted some D, so she had a thrupple. But of course, Lady Morgan is either totally lying, or she doesn’t really remember what happened. I’m guessing it’s both.
Like any dutiful liberal loon, Ebony manages to blame the other ladies (for Sonja’s lies), because THEY have put Sonja in the position of thinking that she always has to have some funny, sexy story to entertain them, while adding that she wishes Sonja understood that she “doesn’t always have to sing for her supper”. Maybe this all comes back to Sonja’s daddy issues; something that she shares in common with Ebony. While we’re talking daddy issues, Ebony learns that Kenneth, the man whom she thought might be her father, is not … so therefore, Ashley, the woman she met on ancestor.com, is not her sister. Whatevs.
Sonja meets with her “healer”, Aleta St. James (not to be confused with the fabulous custom cabinet maker). If you recall, Medium Marion told Sonja that she needed actual therapy rather than a healer, but you know our thrifty Sonja wasn’t about to let a Groupon for (8) sessions go to waste. As Aleta bangs her drum and shocks Sonja’s chakras, Sonja tells Aleta about her father, who abandoned her when she was 3, and also talks about her about her (sadistic) stepfather. Sonja recalls an undeniably traumatic incident where her stepfather was taking all her (step) siblings out for a drive, but kicked Sonja out of the car because she wasn’t his REAL daughter. Man, talk about screwing up a kid.
It’s the day of Luann’s video shoot for her new Christmas song What Do I Want For Christmas? (not to be confused with All I Want For Christmas), to be released just in time for the holidays this year. The locale is a fabulous suite at the Intercontinental Hotel. All the women are wearing gorgeous sequined gowns and one by one, lip sync their parts. Comedy ensues as some nail it, and some require countless retakes (including the Countess herself). I have to admit, the song is catchy, and the video looks really cute … classic Countess Luann de Lesseps.
I'm loving this season, and this was another really fun episode. First of all, there was no Eboni preaching, and we got NYC at Christmas time, some crazy Sonja, Burlesque star Luann, and even an iconic infectious Ramona cackle ... what is not to love?
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