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New Friends, Same Jersey
I've always been partial to RHONJ and am really stoked that it's back, especially after a choppy and sloppy season of RHOSLC and scripted nonsense of RHOP ... not to say that Jersey can't be sloppy and scripted. Case in point; the tired tendency of playing "musical chairs" with the cast's various beefs with one another. Last season it was Teresa vs. Margaret, and it looks like this season, we're getting even worse performances out of Dolores and Jennifer. But through it all, there's just something delightfully unserious familiar about RHONJ.
Right out of the gate, we learn that no one is over their old shit. Teresa and the Gorgas seem to be at a moment of reckoning; where both just appear to be done with pretending to like each other, Margaret and Teresa haven’t even spoken since the reunion, and Jennifer and Dolores are fighting about something that no even remembers, let alone cares about.
As if the cast is cursed, Jennifer breaks her toe, Marge breaks her wrist, and Frank is in the hospital because he can’t poop. Meanwhile, the Gorgas have bad cases of Lack-of-story-line-itis, although the prognosis for them is good, because from what we know, not only does the entire season build to their eventual breakup with the Ruelas, but have the unveiling of their new palace to look forward to as well.
Melissa hosting a 1980's roller-rink party. Everyone shows up including the two newbies. There is Rachel, 32, the mother of Melissa’s son’s best friend, and former student of constipated personal trainer Frank Catania. The other newbie is Danielle (no not THAT Danielle), whom Teresa brought along as a friend. Yes believe it or not, Teresa has friends. Danielle's stepmother is married to recovering sexual assault victim Caroline Manzo’s brother, which means she’s also married to Dina Manzo’s brother ... got all that?
Also on hand is Dolores' new boyfriend Paulie, Frank's new girl toy Brittany, Margaret's assisant Lexi, and a recently demoted Jackie and Evan Goldschneider. If you watched very carefully, you might have spotted Teefy Tiki and silent Traci on their skates gliding across the roller rink. Oh I almost forgot; there is also another "friend of", some chick named Jennifer. It's funny, I've never met a "Jennifer" in my entire life, yet this has to be the 20th Jennifer in the HW series. Go figure.
Anyway, The Big Fat Italian Roller Skating Party goes off without a hitch. Teresa dutifully performs her "kiss kiss" social niceties with the Gorgas, but generally avoids them which only pisses them off more. Per her therapist, she "takes the higher road" by inviting Margaret over to her new house (for some cheese and crackers) so they can air their grievances. Meanwhile at the party, everyone else is talking shit about each other, Marge falls and breaks her wrist, Jennifer storms off after while trying to work things out with Dolores, and then they all go home.
Speaking of Dolores, new boyfriend Paulie wants all of her attention for himself, and she is obviously digging a dude who acts as thought he's in love with her ... yes, Dr. David, we're talking about you. The problem is Dolores and Frank have a modern arrangement that some perspective new love interests might have a hard time dealing with; not only are they exes, co-parents, and business partners, but they are inseparable best friends as well. Paul needs to realize that Frank isn’t going anywhere.
I was skeptical when they were getting ready to meet because both women sought an apology. Teresa is still mad that Margaret was saying negative things about Luis, and Margaret is mad that Teresa is an idiot who doesn’t understand that just because Margaret was bringing these things up doesn’t mean she believes them or endorses them. She claims that she simply wanted to give Teresa a chance to address them on her own terms. Sure Marge. Like I mentioned, luckily for Marge, Teresa is now in therapy. Between that and Louie coaxing Teresa along, Marge gets her apology, and they both decided to move on. Smart move on Tre's part.
Dolores is putting together a sexy dad bod calendar for charity, featuring all the husbands (and BF's) posing in various cheesy macho scenarios. Hot Evan and Joe Gorga notwithstanding, we're obviously not exactly talking "Chippendales" here, but it is for charity so I'll leave it at that. For some reason, the photoshoot is being held at Margaret's (hodgepodge of a) house. Dolores has set up an entire catering spread for all of the guys and their wives, and even hired a professional photographer.
As the beefcakes cool themselves off by guzzling Bud Light and scarfing down catering tins of mostaccioli, Jennifer Aydin runs around telling everyone how Dolores is avoiding her. Eventually, Dolores takes her cue and finally feigns anger that Jennifer is talking about her to everyone without actually talking to HER. An unusually calm Dolores goes over to Jen and of course the whole stupid thing turns into a whole stupid fight. Jen storms out calling Dolores an "old bag", but thankfully we're then spared as the proverbial “To Be Continued …” flashes on the screen. All I'm thinking is does this really need to continue? Does there have to be more? Jen left the party, so what is the continuation?
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