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Coffee Talk

 

Considering all that is happening right now to these Divided States of America, I thought we could use some levity (I know I do).  But before we get into the going ons of this week's episode, let's reflect on the current state of RHONJ. This is a really weird season of the Real Housewives of New Jersey.  First of all, we  already know what happens at the end, but more than that, it just feels like a discombobulated mess.  There is too much happening and with too many people.  That being said, what's needed here is a RHONY season 4 firing massacre. 

 

Let's start with Margaret.  Although I truly have enjoyed her over the years, I believe her time is up.  She really hasn't contributed anything to the show since Danielle Staub left, and the manufactured beef with Jennifer A. is played out.  She also has an annoying habit of trying to turn every word that comes out of her mouth into a meme.  Also, as ageist as this may sound, Margaret looks like the entire cast's mother, sans the cheap dye job.  Speaking of mothers, I reserve the name "Marge" for her mother. 

 

Jennifer Ayden, she needs to go too.  No one has ever really liked her; neither the fans, anyone on the cast, and apparently not even her creepy husband.  If she hadn't kissed Teresa's ass, she would have already been gone.  I always get the feeling that she is attacking her fellow cast members just for screen time. 

 

I would get rid of Dullores too.  For years now, we have been told that she and Teresa go all the way back to "Patterson" together (apparently Jersey's 'hood), but we've yet to hear or see any convincing evidence to support this.  Trading in the bald headed Dr. David was a step in the right direction, but IMO, this new guido (Paulie whoever) is hardly what I what I would consider "trading up".  Dullores needs to go.  Now on to the this week's episode.

 

The Gorga and Teresa relationship is completely fractured (or so we are to believe), and I guess it remains to be seen if it's worth watching to see how they got here.  The problem is, we’re not getting the whole picture.  All of the good storylines are happening off camera, so it's hard to accurately choose sides.  All we're getting from both sides is dropping hints about what happened.  Then to make matters worse, they’re still rehashing the same old shit from last year that we never cared about in the first place.

 

So what exactly are these mysteries? The first is Pizzagate, a scandal that Joe Gorga paints as a business deal gone wrong between him and his sister’s now-husband, Louie.  The ins and outs of this mysterious deal are more confusing than the sudden (unexplained) demise of the Gorga's restaurent from 20 seasons ago.   But now there is Pizzagate 2, and we learn even less.   All we get is some gossip from Joe and Melissa that Teresa and Dina Manzo fell out because Louie and Dina’s husband's business deal went bad.  BTW, we only find this out because Dullores gleefully anounced that she replaced Dina as one of Tre's bride's maids.  All we get out of Dullores is, “I won’t talk about Dina ever.”  Okay, what happened between these two?

 

What we get instead is the longest and fakest visit with a coffee grind psychic in housewife herstory. For some unexplained reason, Jennifer A. is hosting the luncheon for the fraud at Dullores' Paulie's "spectacular!" pad whom she has conveniently reconciled with just a day before.  I’m sure that coffee grounds can offer all sorts of insight, but of course, so can google.  Teresa bowed out of the festivities (allegedly due to the Chinese virus), but I have a hunch devout old school Catholic girl Teresa wasn't going anywhere near any demon soothsayer.  We get the inevitable table fight, this time between Danielle and Rachel that no one cares about.  We also get more chat about Dullores and Frank.  Everyone knows that Frank needs to shut up, grow up.  For that matter, so does Paulie who gives me creepy and controlling vibe.

 

Also at the luncheon, the new Danielle is still feigning outrage over the women questioning the "real reason" for her and her brother's falling out (mind you we've never even met the dude). You would think a newbie would be grateful that a group of strangers even cares enough to question her, but not this one.  In talking heads, Danielle does a mean Drita Alphonso (Mob Wives), but at the luncheon she just sulks.   When no one bites, she practically says "Does anyone here see I'm pissed?"  Margaret finally bites, and Danielle performs her soliloquy.

 

But to be honest, I don't care about any of this. I want to hear more about Pizzagate, and why Dullores and Dina are fighting. I want to hear from this Laura chick (Margaret's ex-friend turned foe), who has been mentioned in every episode. I want to see more of Frankie Jr. and hot Even.  Hell, I'd even settle for more pictures of Frank, circa 1980's.  I would have helped him cheat on Dullores in a hot NJ minute.

 

To be fair, this episode wasn't entirely a bust.  In an attempt to remind us of what made RHONJ a hit in the first place, we get a good helping of fambly drama.  Rachel and John discuss her adopting Jaiden, whom she now considers her own.  We finally find out what John does for them to afford the new multi-million dollar pad ... he has a parking business, a "concierge" business has mob connections, tiles floors, and owns a burger joint.  No red flags there. But as shady as it sounds, at least he can name his businesses. Joe Gorga has been on this show for over a decade and I have no idea what Tarzan does other than show off his guns on construction sites.  I love me some Joey Gorga, but are those guns really paying for Melissa’s new “more contemporary” princess house?  Hmmm.

 

The episode ends with Dullores inviting all the ladies to Ireland, where she and Paulie fell in love.  To quote Lea McSweeney on the newest installment of RHUGT,  "Eight Twenty-three women in Thailand Ireland, what could go wrong?