It's a Wrap

 

 

We're finally here; the explosive conclusion to RHONJ Season 13 reunion part three. The Jersey hubbies and honeys have entered the arena, and while some of them came ready to rumble, they remained calm.  Louie Ruelas poured on the smarminess, John Fuda found his voice, and Joe Gorga kept it classy after nervous Nelly Andy repeatedly begged him to "not leave his chair".

 

The first conversation of the show was centered on Louie's weird comment about wearing Joe and Tre's dad's jammies.  In case you have forgotten, earlier in the season, Joe and Louie were having a heart-to-heart and Louie told Joe that he wore Giacinto’s PJs "as a way to comfort Teresa and her four daughters".  But he said he misspoke and that he actually wore Giacinto’s sweatpants, adding that it was meant as an endearing gesture. However he concurred that it sounded  “creepy.”  Whatevs. 

 

We find out that Dolores Catania’s new boo Paulie is still very much married.  When Andy inquires about Paulie and Delores  tying the knot, Paulie says neither of them are in a rush, which is hardly a shocker considering he's been "separated" from his wife .... for fourteen years.  Captain Obvious Dullores adds that still being married would be an issue if and when they ever decide to get married.  Frank Catania says his love for Delores is not sexual and that she is truly his best friend.  Frank also shared that he and his girlfriend Britney are moving into a home of their own.

 

Andy then turns to the dullest of all husbands, Dr. Bill, and begins drilling him on why he chooses the solitude of their pool house over spending quality time with his wife and kids.  Personally, I would have said to Andy ... "Have you met my wife and kids?".  But instead, while acknowledging that his man cave was problematic for the family, he uses his demanding job as an excuse.  But Bill then assures Dr. Andy that he’s made adjustments, and now spends more time with his annoying shrew of a wife and their kids.  Jennifer is quick to agree, adding that the pool house drama has been way overblown and exaggerated.  On a HW series?  No way ... I refuse to believe it.

 

Then we get to a shady business deal between the Gorgas and the Ruelas. Louie claims that Joe Gorga came to him with the idea to open a pizza oven business, and that he signed a check for $110K for the purchase of 2,200 pizza ovens. Some quick math on my part calculates that this is $50 bucks per oven ... huh?  What are we talkin' here, countertop toaster ovens "As Seen On TV?" However, when Joe called Louie to work out the terms etc;, Louie went radio silent.  John Fuda chimes in, saying the men should have had an initial document stating who came up with the idea and outlining all the logistics around the partnership.  Duh.

 

From allegedly calling Margaret's son while he was at work, to being accused of investigating the birth mother of Rachel and John's son, there isn’t one scheme the husbands didn’t believe Louie was a part of.  But Louie completely denies ever calling the workplace of Margaret's son, let alone looking into Rachel's adoption matter pertaining to John's son Jaiden.  But the newly waxed John Fuda came prepared, and pulls out a manilla envelope containing the deets of Louie snooping around the Fuda's adoption process. 

 

During the same conversation, inquires about what happened with hot Frankie Jr. working for Louie, but Dolores quickly shuts it down, saying there was never an issue, then thanks Louie for giving her son a job.  But as Andy presses on, the Mama Morton in Delores comes out and she snaps, "We're not talking about that". Alrighty then ... now I'm curious.  Something tells me Frankie (and Gia Guidice) are going to have extended roles next season. 

 

 

Then we get to this Bo Dietl character, allegedly the most notorious P.I. in Joizy.  BTW, if he looks familiar, it's because he's a relatively successful actor, retired NYC cop, and garden variety fame ho'. Louie tells Andy that he and Bo go way back, but they're just friends, and he's never "hired" him for his services.  Just then, Andy received a perfectly timed text from the producers that "a man" arrived to protect Louie and Teresa.  Louie reveals that Bo Deetle hired security because they've been receiving death threats.  *((gulp))).

 

Finally, they go into the Gorgas' decision to not attend Teresa's wedding circus.  I guess at the time of the reunion, this was a worthy topic, but after all these months, it's just yesterday's news.   Joe says he doesn’t regret not attending his sister’s wedding due to the boatload of drama that they been in over the years, which Gorga calims only intensified once Teresa and Louis got serious.   Between the “pizza gate” debacle, and Louie coming to coming to Joe with bullshit rumors about Melissa cheating,  Joe maintains that too much had happened for him to feel comfortable being part of celebrating his sister's wedding.  Being in a similar situation myself before,  I totally respect the Gorga's decision.  However, they probably should have done what I did ... that is witness the vows, but then bolt.

 

The reunion wraps up with most of the ladies saying they would be able to move on and make amends, except for Teresa who basically sat  there with her best stink face on for the entire end of the reunion.  Like the end of every Italian movie ever made,  Melissa says that she would move in whatever direction “the fambly” wants.  Teresa on the other hand, says she is totally done with her brother and sister-in-law. As the show wrapped, Louie tries to smooth out the various issues he has with all the husbands.  Tarzan rather unconvincingly accepts Louie's terms, but John Fuda is sticking to his guns, demanding that Louie admits he's a dirtbag and paid Bo Deetle to investigate his fambly.

 

The Cliff's Notes version:

 

1.  Louie is a creepy mofo, and said he misspoke when he said he wore Teresa Giudice’s father’s pajamas. 

 

2.  Paulie opened up about still being married, and Bill Aydin discussed his pool house sanctuary. 

 

3.  Joe Gorga and Louies broke down their “pizza gate” business ordeal. 

 

4.  The husbands dug their claws into Louie, his relationship with Bo Dietl and all his alleged investigations. 

 

5.  Joe Gorga doesn’t regret not attending Teresa's wedding.

 

6.  Joe and Melissa took the high road(s), each telling Teresa that no matter

what, they will always love her.