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Rat In The Street

 

With only one episode left before the big finale (wedding special), they are starting to wrap up the story lines.  Dolores and Paulie are throwing an Irish party.  It's going to be Prohibition era-themed (which makes absolutely no sense), but you know there's going to be a lot Irish whiskey shots, corned beef, and Guinness chugging. Who knows, maybe production will even spring for some U2 music.  But

 

We find out about said party when Dolores and Paulie finally sit down with Frank and his ditzy girlfriend, aptly named Brittany, who thinks people in Ireland speak a foreign language called "Irish".  Hot Frankie Jr. and plain Jane sister, Gabrielle are on hand as well.  The dinner starts off rather awkward as Paulie appears very uncomfortable around Dolores ex and best friend Frank, but he eventually comes around.  Still there's something really smarmy about this dude that I can't quite put my finger on.  The scene ends as an emotional Frank says he’s not losing his family; it’s just getting bigger.   There ya go, ya big lovable lug.

 

Next, we go over to Danielle’s cute little house, where her biggest problem is that the weird-ass kids’ clothes she selling doesn’t photograph well online. This doesn’t seem that hard, maybe use a real camera instead of a cell phone?  Danielle's mudda comes over and they sit around and cry about how her brudda doesn’t want to fix this mysterious problem that they have.  I find it hard to care about this story line because I don’t think we’ve ever gotten an honest appraisal of wtf they are even fighting about.  Also, it's hard to invest in someone whom we barely know, let alone someone whom we've never even met.  All we know is he dumped Danielle because she unfollowed him on SM. 

 

Next, we get a filler scene of Jennifer Aydin helping her brother Michael and his wife move into a new apartment in New Jersey now that his wife has a visa to enter the country.   Coming into this country legally; how refreshing.  Jen tries to complain to her brother about Bill never being around, and he’s basically like, “Yeah, I’m the same, because we have to provide.”  See, that’s the thing about being “old school"; the man makes the money and the woman raises the kids ... you can't sign up for it and then complain. It’s an interesting dilemma in the Ayden arrangement marriage, but how is it that we're just learning about this at the end of the season?

 

Rachel and John Fuda sit down with their future hottie Jaiden to talk about how the adoption process is going. They tell him they met with a lawyer and that the lawyer has to try to get in touch with his biological mother to see if she wants to give up her parental rights.  This kind of freaks the kid out, but he wants to know what's going on.  Rachel tells him, “If you are uncomfortable and want to change your mind at any time, I want you to tell me and be honest, and we won’t go through with it.”  She’s thinking about his feelings the whole time and then he says that he won’t have to change his mind because it’s something he’s been wanting for a long time.  Insert another "Aw" here ___.

 

 

Margaret has her mother, Marge Sr, over for lunch so that Jennifer Fessler can introduce us to her mother and identical twin. They walk alike, the talk alike, sometimes they even dress alike, you could lose your mind!  BTW, if you got that, you are as old as I am.  They’re called Cazzie and Mazzie and wear the same hairdos, glasses, and outfits.  Considering these dames are (at least) 80, I'm assuming they go to the same plastic surgeon as well. Jen F. tells us that these gals were best friends with Barbra Streisand when they were kids.  So, I guess that explains the 1970's fro'. 

 

Now that we've covered everyone else, that only leaves us with one story line ... the saga of Teresa and the Gorgas.  We know that it's finally about to go down.  Why? Because Danielle is going to tell Melissa about Margaret’s ex-friend Laura telling Teresa and Jen that Marge told her that someone they know once saw Melissa making out in the back of the car with some dude who is not Joe.  I hope you got all that.

 

Danielle really wants to get back at Margaret; apparently so bad that she's willing to hurt Melissa in the process.  But in reality, Danielle is being outplayed. She's banking on the fact that telling Melissa what Margaret said will reflect badly on Margaret, but all it's going to do is reflect badly on Teresa.  The annoying thing is, this Laura person could be (probably is) making the whole thing up.  Even worse, Teresa knows damn well that Melissa would never cheat on her brother. In fact, the Gorgas seems rock solid.  Wait, I used to think the same thing about Kim and Kroy ... well you get the point.

 

Teresa tells Louie that she texted Melissa to see if she was coming to the rehearsal dinner, but Melissa isn't responding.  Now God knows I don't know much about these heterosexual rituals, but isn’t a "rehearsal dinner" usually reserved for the wedding party?  In my mind, Teresa doesn't get to get all bent out of shape over the people whom she doesn't want in her wedding party not responding to an RSVP in a timely fashion.  Louie then adds fuel to the fire telling Teresa, "Dude, you don’t even want them there".  Does this dooshbag not realize that Joe and Melissa are going to see this?  

 

Teresa goes into speedy damage control mode telling Louis (and us) that the only time she and her ex-husband Joe fought was because of her brother Joe. Really? You didn’t fight about him calling you a "bitch cunt wife" on national television while talking to his side piece while he was on a fambly vacation in Italy with you? You didn’t fight when he got you arrested and YOU were sent to jail? You didn’t fight when you blamed him for missing the last months of your mother’s life because you were in the slammer? You only fought about Joe?  Bitch please. 

 

According to Teresa, it was also because Melissa was always in Joe's ear.  She says she was always grasping for a relationship with her brother and taking the punches, but she’s given up.  Wait, did Joe and Melissa get someone on the show to make up a lie about how Melissa was a stripper? And wasn’t it Teresa who called her brother a “bitch boy” at the most recent reunion? That’s how she was trying to have a relationship with her brother?  Someone is in someone's ear alright, but it ain't Melissa in Joe's ear ... Louie is in Teresa's ear!  OK, I'm getting way too riled up here.

  

In the final scene, Mr. Namaste' calls Joe and Melisaa trash (pot meet kettle) and tells Teresa, “He’s thinking about how to hurt you, and it’s disgusting!” he says of Joe. How is Joe trying to hurt HER, by going on the show in the first place, which she still hasn’t gotten over? If Teresa was so welcoming and always trying to help him, she would have wanted her brother to get just as rich off the show as she has. None of it makes any sense, but Teresa is buying it, because ... well because she's as dumb as a rock. Louie is luring her in while he accuses Joe of gaslighting Teresa.

 

I don’t think anyone is buying that the Gorgas are these evil people, but it would make sense why he would want to paint them like that. From what we gather, the Gorgas supported Louie until a shady business deal with him went south, and now Joe and Melissa see this Louie character for the low-rent scammer that he is. Then more than anything else, they are upset that Teresa didn't get a prenup, and this guy is eventually going to take Joe's sister for everything she's worth.

 

I've been disturbed by a comment that Margaret Joseph made on WWHL a few weeks ago, when "a caller" asked Margaret, "Whose marriage do you think will last, the Ayden's or Teresa and Louie's?". Without missing a beat Margaret said, "Oh that's easy ... Jennifer and Bill's."