Messes and Bridesmaid Dresses

 

The show wants us to talk about. Danielle and Rachel's fight, but I still can’t figure out what it’s about, where it came from, or why we should care; especially considering they’re barely on the show.   However, I do slightly care about Jen and Bill’s relationship falling apart.  While I don't necessarily subscribe to telling out problems to some quack, I feel like Bill should appease Jen on this one.  I mean, if he's not even willing  to work on real concerns about their relationship, it’s time to dump him, take the kids, palace, the house, and half of everything he owns.  I dunno; maybe Jen should just take Olivia's advice and just buy some lingerie ... at least it might get Bill out of the pool house.

 

I also care about the adjustment period that Frank and Dolores are currently experiencing.  Dolores meets Frank for lunch.  I've always liked Frank, but that crybaby needs to shut up before he gets his tears all over his shirtless leather jacket.  Frank wants to havea dinner for hot Frankie to celebrate his new “dream job.”  BTW, Frankie always dreamed about being my pool boy ... he just doesn't know it.  I'm sorry, where were we?  Oh yeah,  Frank wants just him, Dolores, and the two kids at the dinner, but Dolores wants to bring her new boyfriend, Paulie. Frank says that his girlfriend, Brittany, would understand, but Dolores points out that it’s not Paulie who wants to be there; it’s SHE who wants Paulie there.  Ouch! Frank says, “What ever happened to our family?”  That's easy Frank ... you ruined your family when you cheated on Dolores when she was nine months pregnant with your son.  If you wanted it to be just the four of you forever, maybe you should have slapped a rain coat on that salami .  Poor Frank, what's an old school Italian to do?

 

Speaking of old school Italians, I guess I'll always have some sympathy for Joe Giudice. Teresa and the girls go to a place called Coco’s Chateau, because let's face it; she's getting all the those dresses for free (I don't know why I know this, but Tre’s wedding is on their homepage).  Tre and the dorters have a teary Face Time with Joe, and Teresa says she prays every day that some day, he will be allowed back in the country. The girls get all misty, and every cue in the scene is meant to make us feel bad for this family torn apart, and I admit it ... it always works.  Wait stop the presses ... Joe Giudice is a criminal who was deported because he spent something like 40 years in this country and never bothered to to become an American citizen, and then committed multiple crimes, so fuck'em.

 

Joe and Melissa surprise Antonia with a car for her birthday. Antonia did make the honor role, so I guess that warrants putting a brand new Porsche SUV under the ass of a 17 year old.  I guess it's one of those things that my sisters are always saying to me when I preach to them about spoiling their kids' "If you had kids you would understand".  To be fair, Antonia does seem really grateful, and tearfully accepts the gift.

 

Teresa is on her way to her "surprise" wedding shower.  I mean, I know this is New Jersey, but doesn’t every mom wear a face full of makeup, jewels, coiffed hair, and a white dress to brunch with her daughters?   In the car, we learn they’re planning a fancy dinner before the wedding.  Milania asks if she can bring a date to which Teresa says no, and then references the fact that Audriana (who's in the back seat) doesn’t have a date.   Audriana chimes in, “Yeah Mom, because I’m 12.”  Give these girls a spinoff already.

 

 

Right on cue, suddenly Teresa's phone rings ... it's Louie.  He starts filling Teresa in on the progress he's making with the dinner reservations, oblivious to the fact that Teresa has him on speaker.  As he's rattling off the guest list, he casually mentions that he’s not inviting Melissa and Joe.  Teresa goes into panic mode and tells Louie that they’re filming, to which he replies, “Oh shit.”  I can't believe this mofo is leaving out the Gorgas, but more than that, it's very plausible that Tre and Louie are conspiring together.  Regardless, this changes everything. 

 

Another key conversation happens when Melissa and Joe discuss what happened in Ireland; that is Teresa's two-faced behavior and constant jabs.  She tells him about drawing a picture of the Gorgas as a family where she bawled thinking about them together coming over from Italy, but then how Teresa "flipped" (pardon the pun) after that.  Melissa said that she knew right then that she was she "done" ...she's resigned ... after 18 years, she's had enough.  But she also adds that she just wants to keep her head down, to keep everything quiet so that she and her family can wish Teresa well at her wedding, and then she’s giving up. I’m sure we’ll see it play out on the rest of the season, but it seems like Melissa really wanted everyone to get along just for this event, and something will prevent it from happening.

 

 

I'm guessing that it’s probably the rumor that Danielle will insist on telling Melissa. BTW, has anyone seen this dude who Missy was supposedly making out with in the back seat of a car?  Holy moly, Frank Jr. and this guy may have to battle it out for my affections. But I digress; this is a bad bad bad idea. Especially because Danielle thinks she’s doing Melissa a favor by telling her that her girl Margaret is talking shit about her.  But that isn't the case ... Danielle doesn't get yet that everything on this show comes back to Teresa and Melissa.  Melissa isn't going see this as a favor; she will see this as yet another shot from her cunty sister-in-law.

 

 

Danielle wisely doesn’t bring it up at Teresa’s shower; besides, everyone is too busy chirping like birds at Jennifer Aydin’s "henna", apparently the Turkish name for "bridal shower".   At the shower, Teresa does a repeat performance as she gushes over how Louie''s sisters have supported her kissed her ass, and again she gives a speech and thanks everyone but Melissa.  Even Teresa’s trainer says she should have said something to Melissa, because "she only has one brudda"  Rather unconvincingly, Melissa disagrees, and says she's doesn't deserve any recognition from Teresa.  She knows the score. She knows it’s not intentional. It’s not that Teresa hates her but that she just doesn’t think of her, which actually hurts even more.