I Smell a Rat

 

The cast is in Dublin, Ireland for Teresa's bachelorette party which is of course just an excuse for the housewives annual "girl's trip". Night one went south when for the umteenth time, Teresa and Melissa got into it at the dinner table over Teresa leaving Melissa out of the wedding party and her fambly out of the entire shebang. Melissa continues to be "fine" with it, but the sour look on her face every time the camera is on her suggests otherwise. This GD wedding cannot be over soon enought for poor Melissa and Joe.

 

After the disastrous dinner, the ladies embark on a pub crawl. Hostess Dolores gets a few of the locals to chug with the ladies. "Chugging" (in case you didn't go to college) is when you down an entire glass of ale without coming up for air. Jackie obviously went to college and is deemed the winner. Watching Jackie in her beer soaked blouse and face full of suds, two things come to mind. First of all, it's ironic that a woman with an eating disorder would be the one chugging anything DOWN her throat, and secondly, it's crazy how something that was once so cool and fun, can suddenly just look so stupid.

 

Anyway, the entire scene falls rather flat; obviously one of those things that looked good on paper. Meanwhile Dolores spots the guest of honor herself, sitting alone in a booth, and then adds insult to injury when she pleads with a local to dance with her, and he refuses. I could almost feel sorry for Teresa, but at the same time she seems incapable of having fun, and it would be nice if just once, she would pull the stick out of her ass.

 

The next morning, the ladies all gather in the dining room for a buffet-style breakfast. One of the items on the buffet is an Irish staple, some nasty-looking jelly made from pig's blood curd, known as "Black Pudding". When Rachel Fuda asks what the concoction is, Margaret tells her "It's pig's blood", and without missing a beat, Rachel blurts out, "Looks like RAT blood to me". So before they have even had their first sip of espresso, it's game on.

 

You probably recall that multiple confessionals have told us that calling someone a rat is the worst insult one Italian can bestow upon another, at least with these New Jersey women (and all this time I thought it was “Why is your hair so flat?”). Rachel asks Daniellle point blank, "Why did you call me a rat?" A little background; Danielle is mad that Rachel told Margaret that Teresa and Jennifer A. had warned them about her. Now Rachel thinks that Danielle is a rat for going around telling people she’s a rat. Margaret has involved herself because she’s still feigning rage over Jennifer and Teresa telling Danielle that she has an “arsenal of information” ready to use against her friends. For me, the whole thing feels very contrived, and I suspect the only real thing these women are fighting over is for a spot on the show. At this point, I would be very worried if I were Rachel. Actually, they should ALL be worried, because ratings for RHONJ are now in the freaking 700K's. Nevertheless, the fight continues until Dolores breaks it up and informs all of them that they have one hour to get dressed for a day of shopping.

 

On their way to the quaint village of Dublin in the sprinter van, the subject of infidelity comes up when Rachel asks the group if cheating is a dealbreaker. Surprisingly, most of the women say no, except for Teresa who proclaims, "They cheat, they're out". You can see the look on Melissa's face without the camera actually showing it. Dolores then relives the precise moment she smelled another woman on Frank, and then asked him point blank if he could be faithful ... she got her answer, and that was that. Jen F then confesses that she had an affair out of revenge when she found out about her husband's, which got me wondering; is that when Tony Soprano was allegedly "inside her"? Margaret chimes in as well, once again excusing her own adulterous behavior. Throughout the entire sordid conversation, the camera repeatedly cuts to Danielle who is clearly studying Melissa's face for some kind of guilty-looking? reaction.

 

As Teresa smacks on her gum and talks about divorcing Joe, she adds that Louie wants to be close to Joe for sake of the kids. Sidenote:  How weird was it that on Wednesday's WWHL, shit stirrer Andy asked Margaret who had a better chance of staying together, the Aydens or the Ruelas, and without hesitation, Margaret says "Oh that's an easy one, Jen and Bill." (BTW, co-guest Jackie nodded in agreement).  Back on the bus, Rachel asks if Teresa and Melissa's kids get along. Now as we all know, the HW's are always saying, “Kids are off limits,” but this isn’t a question about the kids; it’s a question about how the parents’ relationships affect the kids.  Teresa says, “They were, but Antonia ...", and before she can even finish the sentence, Melissa's does a 180 degree head spin and says "Are you going to say something negative about Antonia right now?  Don't even say her name ...".  Teresa claims she’s not, but the insinuation is there.  Teresa is basically saying that the kids were close, but they’re not anymore, because of Joe and Melissa.

 

 

Teresa then unloads ancient bullshit about which of the kids did and didn't attend each other's various parties over the years.  I swear this bitch has the mental maturity of a 12 yr. old.  When Melissa calmly gives her (very valid) reasons, Teresa says, "It's always tit for tat with you!".  Melissa easily wins the argument by saying, "  If you want them to be close, then you should set an example by having your sister-in-law in your wedding".   It was a compelling exchange, and kind of sad, because for the first time, we actually see that Melissa was really hurt by Teresa's wedding party snub.  For Teresa to then not even invite Melissa's mom and sisters ... wow, that about that it all to me.  I totally support the Gorga's decision to check the "Unable to Attend" box on the rsvp.  In fact, I would have added a " ... and fuck you too" in the return envelope as well.