Day of Truth

 

 

A “day of truth”? Oh I think not. A day of truth would have been Miss Fancy Pants asking Nicole who the fuck she really is, or Shannon and Gina asking Noella why (and how) the fuck they bought a $6M dollar home in Puerto Rico when they owe $4M dollars in back taxes, and why the fuck would he refuse to sell it if it would alleviate his tax problems. I could go on, but the holiday season already has me stressed enough. Anyway, on with the show.

 

Via face time, Noella, invites Shannon to lunch, but Shannon has already made plans for the day. She’s having precisely six viles of fillers removed, but invites her new bestie to tag along. While Shannon is having her face deflated, Noella tells Shannon (and us) her life story. All within a two minute scene, we learn that Noella had a miscarriage and then her surrogate lost the twin boys whom she was carrying for Noella. So finally, Noella underwent IVF … AND she’s now the “proud” mother of an autistic 2 year old. This left me wondering ... did production deliberately associate the two? She also shares that As Shannon continues having her face used as a pin cushion, Noella receives a text pertaining to a property that they recently bought in Puerto Rico. Nothing strange about that, but then Noella tells the camera (us) that she had to find out on her own that her husband has two tax liens against him, totaling $6M bucks.

 

This is a lot to take in, but no one is ever going to accuse this chick of being non-transparent, and in the world of reality TV, coming right in strong and laying it all out on the table is a very wise move. The only things that has me concerned at this point is, I’m afraid we are going to have another Gina situation on our hands, meaning how are we supposed to become fully invested in a housewife’s (crumbling) marriage when we’ve never met the husband? All we know about this one is that he doesn’t pay his taxes, is White, and enjoys sadomasochism. More on this later.

 

Miss Fancy Pants still has her panties in a bunch over Shannon’s futile attempt to “take down the Dubrows”, so she visits Terry at work to continue beating the story to death. In Terry’s office, Heather sits down in front of a gigantic portrait of her (younger) self, and in a rare self-desparaging moment, comments that "she must be crazy".  She then tells Terry that he looks even better today than when she met him.  Apparently Heather has some kind of weird Wayans and Madame fetish. Lord knows Terry has waiting room full of boobs to botch, but he patiently listens as Heather reads him Shannon’s brief text, inviting her to lunch. Before Terry can even respond, Heather proceeds to read HER reply to Shannon …. four full iPhone screen’s worth!  Terry repeatedly tries to get a word in edgewize, but an oblivious Heather just continues reciting her reply.  I have to confess, it was a hilarious bit.  She tells Terry that she’s just not ready to “move forward” with Shannon; not until she takes ownership for her actions (apparently 40 apologies isn’t enough).

 

On to Dr. Jen. First we see her at work, tweaking some young gay dude’s face with fillers as his proud daddy looks on (only in California). Then we catch Jen at home face timing her shirtless house husband, Ryne (pronounced Ryan). She giving him the heads up that her mother is coming to visit, and he’s less than excited. We meet Jen’s mother, a fun English lady, although their relationship is strained. Jen and her mom discuss the tragic death of her father (from a bicycle accident) from 20 years ago. She’s bummed that he never got to see her become a rich plastic surgeon and reality tv star.

 

Emily and Shane are at home enjoying an afternoon BBQ. As Shane bastes the chicken on the grill, Emily discusses their daughter’s upcoming Mormon baptism (obviously setting the stage for her own forray into Mormonism). She also tells Shane that she’s so proud of him for passing the bar (after 20 attempts) and wants to throw him a party.

 

Noella thinks she can get Nicole to forgive Shannon, so they all agree to sit down and have lunch. Noelle arrives before Shannon, and takes the opportunity to tell Nicole about the sad state of her marriage, but in an obvious presage of what’s to come, declares that “divorce is not on the table”. A nervous Shannon arrives, and stink face Nicole just sits there silently, obviously enjoying watching Shannon squirm. She finally breaks her silence, but only long enough to say “It’s never the time or place to discuss someone’s medical history.”. This bitch is crazy as F. First of all, the only reason Shannon knew about this “medical history” was because Nicole told her. Secondly, generally speaking, if someone tells you something they want kept a secret, they usually tell you that it’s a secret. I’m with Emily; Nicole is the villain here, because SHE’S the one who didn’t tell her friend for six years that she once sued her husband. Not to let Shannon off the hook completely, because she never should not have told Gina in the first place. As soon as she knew who Nicole was, she should have pulled Heather aside and said, “You DO know that Nicole sued Terry, right?”.

 

Gina invites Noella to tag along on a cryotherapy session, which is of course ridiculous, because the last thing that bean pole needs is to lose more weight. But it’s really just an excuse for Gina to get the real dirt on the recent news about Noella’s husband’s tax issues. Noella explains that there is a complete breakdown of communication and that she is struggling to get through these dark days. Gina is only too happy to lend a shoulder to cry on because she was in the same position not that long ago. Noella assures Gina that she will work it out, because after all, what else are sex dungeons for?

 

Shannon receives a face time from Noella again … apparently production is requiring that all telecommunication between the ladies be conducted via face time. Noella tells Shannon that someone came to serve her divorce papers. Reminiscent of Mary Cosby’s recent “Mexican thug type” comment, she then adds, “They were all in Spanish … but fortunately our nanny was able to translate.”. Obviously, many viewers are going to be disturbed by such utter political INcorrectness, but to me, there is nothing funnier than unintentional political incorrectness. Noella goes on to say that her husband shut off her credit cards, but his “whole world” is still at the house, meaning he didn’t pack his bags. She calls it a bad dream and didn’t think that his financial “error” would translate to the end of their marriage. Really? The sex dungeon should have been her first clue.

 

Shannon’s apology tour continues as she and Gina and have drinks to try to work things out, and as we all know, Tito’s and Grey Goose always makes everything better. Shannon begins by saying that she doesn’t understand how someone would be friends with someone when there was once a lawsuit, but moreover, she’s upset that Gina ratted her out. Shannon goes on to say that she went out of her way to be kind to her, and then the “New Yooork yenta” comes out in Gina as she screams “You shouldn’t have to go out of your way to be kind, you should just be kind!”. I can already hear Amy Phillips having a field day with this one.

 

Now that they got all of that out of their systems, the conversation then turns to the news of Noella’s divorce. It’s obvious that the hoplessly neurotic Shannon wanted to be THE (only) one whom Noella confided in, but Gina dashes that fantasy by telling her that she already knew. Poor Shannon, she just can’t catch a break. So together, THEY do the face timing, and invite her to join them.