We Cut It Close(ed)

 

 

 

 

First up, it's dinner with the Dubrows.  Hot chef Nick is serving up a delicious meal for Fancy Pants, Madame, and their wacky brood of poster children for adolescent sexual  confusion and gender dysphoria.  The topic of conversation is all about Nick and Max heading off to college.  Heather comments how douchy her teenagers have become.  Case in point, Max forewarns mom and dad that they will be seeing occasional CC charges for nearby hotels because the water pressure in her dorm sucks, and the bed is too small.  I can't imagine how Heather and Terry Dubrow's kids could be douches.

 

 

You may recall that Widow Armstrong has landed a role in a movie, and called upon OC"s resident thespian, Heather Dubrow to help prepare her.  So she invites her over for a session with her newly hired acting coach.  Taylor's home looks exactly like the one we saw on RHOBH all those years ago ... I even recognized the same dining room chairs (BTW, Tori Spelling is its newest renter).  I know they need to integrate Taylor into the group, but the scene falls rather flat ... like would you really invite Gordon Ramsey over to watch over a cooking lesson? This isn't to suggest that Heather Dubrow is the Gordon Ramsey of acting, but you get the point.

 

Now, it’s unclear what sort of movie Taylor is prepping for here; all we know is that it's set in where else?  You guessed it .... Oklahoma!~  Also, we don't know how big or small her part is, but I'm guessing Taylor WILL be going all "Oklahoma" on someone's ass, and of course we're all hoping that said ass will be Heather Dubrow's.  I'm thinking something along the lines of Eileen's Stranger at the Pentagon. Heather senses that this production is jankier than Gina's tacky costume jewelry, but plays along anyway, even pretending to be flattered when Dame Taylor offers her a part.  However, from the previews, we see that it all goes to shit.

 

We do a little check-in with Tamra and Shannon after Tamra got wasted last week (the night before on the show) ... you remember, when Tamra slurred “fuck a duck” at Shannon to the point of ad nauseam. Tamra says she is very sorry for what she said, and uses being drunk as an excuse.  It’s the usual Tamra bullshit where she just says and does whatever she wants, then apologizes  and gets mad at you again if you don’t accept it.  That being said, Shannon says, “She apologized for what happened on the boat, but not the past two and a half years.” Yes, Shannon is still holding on to her pain and we all know that until it is addressed beaten to death, Tamra will never be forgiven.   Personally, I would have never forgiven Tamra for reciting to Heather, David's email to Shannon (about his cheating) all those years ago. 

 

Next we move on to Gina.  She and her shack up honey, Travis, are both studying for their real estate license.  Watching tehm using flashcards (as I did) was giving me serious PTSD.  Don't believe these arrogant assholes who want you to believe that the test(s) are a piece of cake, and that they magically got their licenses in a few weeks.  First you have to pass the courses and final exam which is  a bitch in itself, and then comes the tests to actually get your license.  The tests are timed and taken in the presence of instructors watchful eyes.  I only barely passed the "National", and then failed the "State" exam completely the first time. But is it all worth it?  Yes ... I'm hardly Mauricio, totally stoned and living in the lap of luxury, but have done ok. 

 

 

Courtesy of Gina, we get the big fight of the episode at Tamra's Fairwell to CUT Fitness party.  For some unexplained reason, Eddie is wearing a shirt and tie with only what appears to be white jockeys.  The only thing missing from the ensemble were black knee socks and garters.  Speaking of strange, Tamra’s long lost son Ryan shows up looking like Chuck Norris in “Walker: Texas Ranger".  Not that I'm complaing ... anything is an improvement from his homeless Grizzly Adams look that he was sporting the last time we saw him.  In an attempt to snatch Tamra's OC shit starter crown, Gina calls to the group's attention, Jenn's TikTok post where she had the audacity to post how grateful she is that her yoga studio is still open.  It was definitely poorly timed, but unless Jenn is a better actress than Heather and Taylor combined, I  don’t think it was an intentional dig at Tamra and Eddie's misfortune.  

 

Gina brings it up at dinner, but Tamra doesn’t notice, but Jenn does and immediately apologizes to Tamra.  This is just a preamble to the fight that is really developing, and probably the real reason Gina brought up Jenn's post in the first place.  Gina is put off by Jenn's affair with Ryan which ended her marriage.  BTW,  what are the odds that one Jen and Ryan are fired from RHOC, only to be replaced by another?  Gina wants us to believe that infidelity is a trigger for her because of what hot Matt did to her.  Sidenote:  This really irks Kelly and Rick who claim to have been witness to Gina's tit-for-tatt cheating when she first caught Matt playing around. 

 

Jenn denies that her and Ryan's relationship never became physical until after she her husband Will divorced, but then things get interesting when Tamra starts adding some mathematics into the equation.  She recalls that Ryan started at their gym in February or March, and by October, Jenn’s ex-husband Will caught them boning in the backseat of a car like Melissa Gorga and some hot Guido.  Sorry Jenn, we've met Ryan.

 

Party Planner/Lawyer Emily Simpson then starts litigating Jenn's case like  Det. Meghan King interrogating Girth Brooks during Cancergate.  BTW, this too annoys the F out of Kelly Leventhal who claims that Emily NEVER practiced, let alone litigated law.  Emily grills Jenn about how and when they met, and then asks her if she got Will a job in Oklahoma (with her family's business) just to get him out of the way.  This is the second time "Oklahoma" is mentioned, so I'm guessing a girl's trip to the Plains State is probably on the horizon.  Hey, I wonder if that's how Vicki shows up ... remember, Brianna was sentenced to a life there when she married that asshole.  Anyway,  Emily tells us, “The situation is probably a lot more salacious than she is letting on and I’m trying to get in there and get it out because that’s what I fucking do.”  Obviously.

 

As this conversation continues. a very inebreated Tamra leans in and quietly (so but making sure everyone hears her) repeatedly tells Jenn to "just be honest". This was Tamra, the seasoned vet, giving a newbie sound advice.   And it's wise advice, because everyone is going to find out the truth anyway which i sonly going to make her look even worse. 

 

But we're going to have to wait for the the next (or ten) episode to see what happens.  For now, the episode ends when Tamra and Eddie "cutting" the beautiful CUT FITNESS custom cake (with a sweaty white towel added as a nice touch).  Apparently confusing the occasion with Tamra Gets Married, Tamra begins to smear the cake all over Eddie’s face.  Obviously never one to waste a good cake, Emily starts shouting, “You’re wasting the cake”.  Yeah OK, it was kind of cute, but then of course Tamra has to ruin it by chasing everyone around the room with smeared cake all over her fake and hands.  I think new friend Brandi Glanville is rubbing off on her.