Meet Crystal Kung Foo: RHOBH’s Newest Talking Head Queen

 

 

Reigning Supreme Kyle Richards has summoned Lisa (Not THAT Lisa), Dorit, and Erika to her boudoir’ for an informal kiki. Kyle’s face is black and blue from an injury while filming Halloween Kills, but does admit that the doctor gave her nose a little extra tweak while he had her on the table. Despite being real friends outside the show, they all chime in at how they’ve missed each other; however, Kyle and Dorit did manage a few getaways together along with their husbands, Mauricio and PK, whom have bonded like bro’s. Apparently the rest of them have never picked up the phone, let alone face timed with each other during the pandemic. Erika shares that the pandemic has been particularly difficult for her because she lost her on only “job”, that is starring on Broadway as “Roxie” in Chicago (apparently being "Erika Jayne" and starring on RHOBH doesn’t count).

 

Kyle and Lisa reveal that neither of them have even spoken to Garcelle since “forever”, meaning since last season’s reunion when they excluded Garcelle from the post-reunion dinner party.  Dorit takes the opportunity to invite all the ladies to her home for a BBQ.

 

In the meantime, we catch up with Sutton who renovating her fabulous, but dated $8M dollar Holmby Hills estate.  She is renting Kyle’s old home for whopping $20K a month, athough we do learn that she was given a $5000 “friends and family discount”. Kyle checks in on her new tenant and is immediately  horrified that Sutton has hung pictures on the walls  overcome with nostalgic memories and sadness that it was once HER home.

 

 

Kyle and Lisa are out collecting on behalf of she and big sister Kathy Hilton’s charity, which is of course just an excuse to introduce us to the new cast member (and fresh blood) Crystal Kung Minkoff. Crystal is an Asian woman (apparently every housewife franchise was ordered to have "one"), and married to the much older director of the original (animated) Lion King.  She gives me Soon-Yi/Woody vibes, but we will save that for another time.  BTW, only at this point do I even realize that John Cougar Mellencamp’s daughter is no longer on the show, and as we all know, Kyle is always looking for a new Supreme. But this is going to be no easy transfer of power, because this bitch is coming in hot.

 

After Crystal (sort of) acknowledges  that she  and Kathy are indeed “friendly”, the three sit down to get to know each other a bit. Kyle tells Crystal that people are asking she and Maury when they are going to “try for a boy”, and Crystal replies with a perfectly executed “Really?” (obviously referencing that fact that Kyle’s eggs have long dried up), although it's clear if Kyle or Lisa caught the shade.

 

As mentioned earlier, Lisa and Garcelle have not spoken since last season. Whle trying to convey some (any) sense of belonging on this show, Garcelle is feigning outrage over Lisa’s deplorable behavior towards her “friend”, Denise Richards, last season. She tells us in her talking head that doesn’t like Lisa Rinna right now, but agrees to meet with her. The two sit down, and Lisa grovels at Garcelle’s feet, telling her that she is aware of her evil ways, but working on becoming a better person. As a viewer, I kept wondering who in production did Rinna piss off to put her through this degradation? Garcelle accepts Lisa’s apology, but tells her that her “healing” will be a slow process. As the preview indicates, tt seems Garcelle is saving her wrath for next week, when Kyle takes her turn in the hotseat.

 

All the women are arriving at Dorit’s BBQ, We officially meet newest “friend of” Kathy Hilton, who is sharing an Uber with fellow newbie Crytal. BTW, we’ve been told (to ad nauseam) that Kathy is a real cut-up and the life of the party, but from where I’m sitting, Kathy’s got stiff competition. As Crystal is meeting each of women, she give us another snarky talking head, commenting that “This group dresses very loudly. I sometimes look at my older friends who dress way too young, which makes her cringe”. Ouch! But Crystal is just getting warmed up.

 

When meeting the hostess (Dorit), we are treated to yet another hilariously bitchy talking head; “It’s common to know people in BH through other people, but if you don’t know someone, they might not be worth knowing” which prompt one of the producers to ask “Do you know Dorit?”. Crytal’s response: a simple, but very effective “No”. Yeah, this one is going to be trouble.

 

While enjoying several pigs in a blanket, Lisa puts her trademark pot stirring skills to use by having all the ladies share what they’ve hated (and loved) most about the pandemic. All the women struggle to come up with something profound to say, but Erika unintentionally steals the show by proclaiming that she and Tom have bonded during the pandemic (mic drop). But of course, Erika Girardi's life as she (and we once knew) is about to change dramatically.