Calamity Jayne

 

Again this week, Bravo released a “Sneak Peek” which got everyone all fired up before last night's episode even aired. This week, Kyle and Kunty are in the hot seat; Kyle for doubting Sutton's miscarriages, and for condoning Erika's deplorable behavior towards Garcelle's family, and Kunty for being, well ... kunty. This was a vast improvement over last week, and quite frankly much of the season so far; however, it was also one of those transitional episodes which sets the stage for what's to come.

 

Garcelle's 55th birthday party (thrown by herself) continues.  We left off with Dijana calling out Sutton on her insincere concern over her miscarriage from 3 months ago.  As if talking about a miscarriage from three months ago isn't already weird enough, Sutton continues to try to force her empathy on Dijana.  Sutton tries every approach imaginable, but Dijana is not buying it, and just laughs in Sutton's face.  But persistence eventually pays off, and Dijana even accepts an awkward hug, just to shut Sutton up. 

 

Throughout the awkward exchange, Kyle sits there throwing her two cents in, basically throwing Sutton under the bus.  When Sutton tells Dijana that she miscarriaged (or is it miscarried?) twice, Kyle first doubts her, and then makes it about her and asks why she wasn't aware of this. What keeps going through my mind is this is payoff for Sutton's deplorable cavalier attitude over Dorit's alleged home invasion.  Sutton knows how she came off, and is now more determined than ever to get Dijana (and we the viewers) to believe that she's a compassionate person.

 

Meanwhile, as the party winds down, Erika is lit as usual.  In case you haven't heard, her ongoing legal problems have driven her to drink this season, and she's playing the part of the obnoxious drunk to the hilt.  I can already see "serious" Andy at the reunion with that fake look of concern on his face ... "So Erika, do YOU think you have a drinking problem?", as the other women lower their heads in sadness.  The problem for me is Kunty is not that good of an actress, and a few more acting lessons from Eileen and Vinnie may be in order.

 

As we've seen throughout the season, the booze and Benzos have apparently also gotten the old juices flowing in Kunty again, because she's in heat.   As mentioned during last week's episode, Erika has the hots for Garcelle's eldest son, Oliver, the one with the creepy clown tears tattoed under his eye.  Erika and Dorit summon him over "to bullshit with him" for a moment.  We are then subjected to a cringy seduction scene that rivals Tamra's horned up teenage son, Ryan, practically raping (a completely intoxicated) Gretchen Rossi. 

 

 

Like in one of those old Dateline "To Catch A Predator" episodes, Erika asks, "Where's your mom?".  Oliver nervously giggles and says "over there", so she then asks if he's in a relationship, to which an Dorit replies, "He's in a committed relationhip with four kids!".  So Erika says, "Well have your baby momma slide into my DM, threeway ... it's all good".  At this point, Garcelle is DONE, and you can tell there is going to be hell to pay. 

 

 

As Garcelle is making it out the door, Crystal asks her if she wants the flowers (sitting in front of Erika and Dorit).  Garcelle replies yes, so Crystal and Garcelle's 14 yr. old son, Jax, go to retrieve them.  But for some reason, this annoys Kunty, and she asks Jax "What are you doing there? ... Get the fuck out of here before you get in trouble!".  Then like a dutiful snowflake, Jax immediately reports to his mom that he just "got violated" (for taking the flowers).  This obviously doesn't sit well with Garcelle and she goes back in to let Erika know that she hurt her son's feelings.  

 

By the time you read this, you have probably already heard how enraged the "black community" in particular is over this.   Resident racist heifer on Radio Andy (Bevy Smith) called Erika an "uncoof criminal" and publicly proclaimed that she wants to slap the shit out of her, and countless others just like her are enraged that this
"White" show is sexualizing and objectifying black "children", especially boys.  Gimme' a break; as if the black community gives a flying fuck about their youth.

 

Anyway, back to the episode.  Mind you, all this drama occurred during the first ten minutes of the episode, and nothing else much happens after that.  Most of the episode is about the anticipation of how Garcelle is going to handle all this.  She meets up with slap happy Will Smith's ex, Sheree, and tells her that she's about to "set a bitch straight", meaning Erika Jayne ... but she wants to do it when with both of them are completely sober.  Sutton is having all the ladies over for a housewarming luncheon, so Garcelle is about to get her chance.

 

There are a few other filler scenes celebrating Thanksgiving; one of Kyle and Mauricio preparing Thanksgiving dinner (yeah right) with accompanying home movies of all three Richards sisters celebrating the holiday.  Then we get the proverbial cornball scene of Garcelle and her boys serving turkey dinner in a soup kitchen.  We also see Soon-Yi bringing a still traumatized Dorit to a self-defense class.  The Umanski's have the Kemsley's over for an evening, and the four of them inexplicably applaud Erika's behavior at Garcelle's party, even her cursing at Garcelle's kid.  Actually, maybe I can explain it ... could it be that the Umanski's and Kemsleys are over-compensating for their insensitive behavior last season, when the four of them all laughed hysterically at Erika's problems?  But regardless, this scene has landed Kyle in hot water with the SM militants who are threatening to "cancel" Kyle Richards, and Mo's upcoming Netflix show as well.  Yeah, good luck with that.  

 

Kyle and Sutton try to get back on track and meet for a sumptuous pasta lunch.  They rehash the Dijana drama, and again Kyle basically accuses Sutton of lying about suffering two miscarriages.  Why is Kyle taking Diana’s side in a fight when she was clearly in the wrong? The easy explanation is that Kyle was drunk and shouldn’t insert herself into the drama not knowing what was fully going on.

 

Rinna finally makes an appearance, and pays Dijana a short visit.  They kabitz about Garcelle's party, and gossip over what a fake bitch Sutton is. At least Lisa is consistent by making enemies out of everyone she has brought onto the show, meaning Sutton, Garcelle, and of course Denise fucking Richards.   Come to think of it, she dropped Eden Sassoon like a hot potato as well.

 

It's the day of Sutton's housewarming party luncheon.  She has pretty much gutted her Bel Air home and is anxious to show it off.  The place isn't quite done; the Sub Zero refrigerator hasn't shown up yet, and the exterior flatwork must be running behind schedule, because there is no patio surfaces.   But instead of hosting the party inside on  solid flooring (and where it's toasty and warm), she sets the table out in the freezing yard ... literally in the mud. 

 

Everyone shows up except for Dijana, who didn't even bother to RSVP.  As mentioned, Garcelle has brought Sheree as her plus one, and undoubtedly for moral support, because she's about to "set a bitch straight".  Erika and Garcelle greet each other politely, but cautiously, as Crystal has already tipped off Erika that she's got some 'splaining to do with Garcelle.   Erika disarms Garcelle by informing her that she's become a one drink girl, but we are going to have to wait until next week to see what unfolds. 

 

Next week should be a doozy, and I'm waiting to see how Garcelle reacts when she finds out that Dijana was worried about her $250K Birkin being stolen by black people at a party.  Well, I can dream can't I?