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Rose' Colored Glasses

 

 

 

 

Kyle, Diana, and Crystal are all AWOL and "isolating" because they either have, had, or knew someone who has or had the Corona ... yeah, the Covid thing is becoming really tiresome.  But to their credit, it does appear that the cast themselves are as sick of the bullshit as the rest of us, and living in CA, probably even more.   Also, I have to keep reminding myself that this was filmed last year during the holidays when everyone (or so it seemed) contracted the Chinese Flu.  I believe this might have been only the second time when Kyle didn't appear in an episode, other than a quick barely recognizable Facetime with Lisa. 

 

As a result of the skeleton cast this week, we're left with some scenes which are clearly "filler", like Garcelle having dinner with Dorit, and Lisa having dinner with Sutton.  For the most part, these scenes work for me, because in real life, not every interaction is going to be filled with drama, and the authenticity is what the HW series has been sorely missing lately, across the board.  But the problem with these scenes is that they often unintentionally show what little real friendships these women actually have with one another.  For example, we have Lisa and Sutton having dinner together, discussing how they "really" feel about each other, completely oblivious to the fact that Sutton is only on the show BECAUSE of her alleged "friendship" with Lisa.  Interestingly, these minor details are what annoy me most about the HW series in general, because not only is it insulting to our intelligence, but it's so unnecessary.  Also, sometimes in real life, "friends" actually get along and enjoy each other's company. 

 

 

We finally get a glance of Sutton's real life at home (well sort of), meeting two of her three kids for the first time, at least to the best of my knowledge.  There's her daughter Porter, 19, and Phillip, 18.  Her third son, James, isn't present because "he has a Boy Scout meeting", meaning he's still under 18 and the ex won't allow him to film.  We also meet Sutton's menagerie of pets, including "Waylon", her rather rambunctious Yellow Lab.  Between a dog being named after a country music legend, one son attending the Citadel, and another in the Boy Scouts, suffice to say, the Stracke family is definitely Conservative, and a peek at their Instagram photos certainly indicates such.  So if you see me going a little soft on Sutton, you'll know why.  To quote the second best President in our nation's history, Ronald Reagan, "Thou shalt never speak ill of another Republican". 

 

 

Dorit and Garcelle, meet for what I assume is dinner, because generally speaking, when they order the hard stuff, it's usually dinner.  Garcelle starts off the awkward dinner by grilling Dorit on P.K.'s recent suspicion of drunk driving.  Even though P.K. actually blew under the legal limit, Garcelle is annoyed that his White privilege afforded him to get a ride home by the police.  Then in a talking head, she says that never would have happened in her (black) world!.  Sure Garcy, you and Harriet Tubman.  

 

As we know, bone collector Garcelle is still obsessed with Erika's drinking, and tells Dorit that she fell and hit her head while sloshed on Arnold Palmer's and Benzos.  Dorit gives her one of her exaggerated shocked looks, and then Garcelle goes for another as she tells Dorit that Kunty told Garcelle that her friendship with Sutton is a "liability". Dorit seemed less interested in that little nugget, but it really hit a nerve with Garcelle, and you can bet she couldn't wait to tell Sutton, but more on that one later.

 

The dinner is also an excuse for Garcelle to promote her infamous book, presumably the same one that Kunty tosses into the trash later on in the season.  I'm sure the book is going to fill us in on how she went from being a poor sharecropper's illegitimate daughter in Haiti to being one of the most highly sought after blacktresses of our time, but it will also contain the deets on her posing for Playboy as well as a "scary" encounter with Pill Cosby. If she's like Cosby's other 50 "victims", it will be interesting to learn how she spins going to a married man's hotel room at 2am on a Saturday night.  Insert side eye here ___.  

 

In one of the strangest scenes in real housewife history (which I'm still processing), Kunty tells hanger-on Mikey, her assistant, and her publicist (not to mention the entire world) that she's considering becoming a dominatrix, presumably  for hire.  Yes, she used the word "client", but stopped short of using the word "fee", because ... well if she did, that would maker her a prostitute.  I don't know what it is about Kunty ... as if she isn't already hated enough.  I guess like her song goes, she just truly gives zero fucks.  Mikey then reminds Erika that Mauricio has a dude in mind for her, but all he will say about the would be suiter is he's a former NFL player and an Olympian.  Anyone with access to Wikipedia knows that they are talking about James Jett.

 

Lisa Rinna is hosting a wine tasting for the ladies at her home.  Lisa, along with Harry Hamlin and a couple of business partners are launching Rinna Rose' and a brut wine, which is simply the French word for "dry".  Everyone raves about the rose', but the general concensus is that the brut needs a little work ... meaning more sugar, at least in my mind.  After they are all good and sloshed on Rinnarita's, Garcelle takes Erika aside for more clarification on the word "liability" that Erika used to describe her friendship with Sutton at dinner the night before.  Erika is calm and collect, but a tad saucy as well, and rejects Garcelle's request to go get Sutton and bring her into the conversation. Erika tells her that this (Rinna's party) is not the place.  Little does Erika know that Garcelle tipped off Sutton only moments ago ... but she's about to find out.

 

 

So the scene isn't a total wash, Garcelle then makes the subject about herself and Erika.  Erika welcomes the opportunity, and begins by telling Garcelle that she knows her loyalty is to Sutton, but then goes deeper by informing Garcelle that is aware that she does not necessarily believe her about her and Toms's legal problems.  Garcelle owns it and tells Erika "You would be correct in that assumption."  Obviously realizing that there is really no where else to go with the conversation, they rejoin the others.   

 

As the women continue to enjoy the Rinna Rose' while snacking on some yummy charcuterie and pizza, Dorit brings up that she has a handsome gentleman in mind for Garcelle.  Now this is just an observation on my part, but does Garcelle really seem like she's all that much into men?  Maybe it's just her no-nonsense "direct" nature, or the deep voice, or her alleged good friendship with Denise Fucking Richards, or a combination of all three.  She just comes off as one of those asexual kind of people.  I think her and Kunty are a lot alike in that way. 

 

The conversation then turns to Crystal’s alleged eating disorder ... yeah I'm not really buying it.  Actually, I don't think anyone is buying it, and that includes her cast members.  This is why they are being so flippant and downright rude about it.  They casually throw around the words "vomit" and "purge", and question why in the year 2022, she isn't getting any help.  Interestingly, only stone cold Sutton has Crystal's back (at least in a talking head), and scolds the women for talking about her when she's not there to defend herself.  As I've mentioned before, Bravo tried it, but Soon-Yi was a terrible casting choice ... the women don't like her and are driving her off the show (fingers crossed).

 

In front of all the ladies, Sutton rips into Erika and tells her that she doesn't appreciate her being called a "liability", adding that if they are going to move on, Erika needs to have these conversations with HER directly.  Kunty is completely caught off guard and just sort of takes it, but in her head, she is clearly saying, "OK, Garcelle ... you F-ed with the wrong bitch".  As the season trailer indicates, Kunty and Garcy are just getting started. 

 

Somehow this beef morphs into the Elton John fundraising fiasco between Sutton and Lisa (in case you have forgotten, Sutton falsely accused Lisa and Harry of squelching on the fundraiser tickets).  Keep in mind, Lisa and Sutton supposedly squashed things just the night before at dinner, or so Sutton thought, but apparently Lisa was just getting warmed up.  Sutton repeatedly reminds Lisa she already apologized, but an admittedly drunk Lisa tells her that's not good enough and demands to know WHY Sutton felt the need to humiliate her and Harry.   Of course the answer is Sutton was just being a (bitchy) "real housewife", but Sutton begins to tire of Lisa's inquisition, and attempts to sarcastically humor Lisa.

 

 

Rinna tells Sutton, "You obviously don't like me, and you sure as hell don't respect me, and I would like to know why you felt the need to humiliate me".   Erika stirs the pot and adds, "... and not just you, but Harry too".  Again, Sutton goes back to her  "I thought we already resolved this" routine, but then adds "Lisa, you talk out of the both sides of your mouth".  Bad move.  Lisa mocks Sutton's southern accent and then says, "Fuck you, and get out of my house if you are going act like that".  But unlike Shannon Beador who practically had a mental breakdown when Heather Dubrow ordered her out of her house all those years ago, Sutton provides some unintentional comic relief by saying, "There's no need to curse".  Rinna then ((screams)) "Come for my husband or children, and I will cut you down! ... Are we all clear?".  Then in another hilarious talking head, Sutton says "It would take an exorcism to remove the soap opera actress from Lisa's body". 

 

Overall, this was an excellent episode, and scenes like this are why RHOBH is still in a class by itself.  The episodes might have slowed down for the last few weeks, but things are definitely looking up for the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Rumor has it this will be the longest season in real housewife herstory, and as we all know, there is a LOT more to come.  At this rate, they are going to need a 5 part reunion.