The Big Build Up Continues

 

 

Kyle and Caitlin Jenner lookalike Kathy Hilton are visiting Sutton’s boutique which boarded up in preparation of the ongoing threat BLM/Antifa riots (inthe name of "justice”). Speaking of riots, laugh riot Kathy begins criticizing every inch of Sutton’s sparsely stocked  tax write off baby because, well ... because it’s ugly. Kathy scans the tiny space commenting “What’s in that closet? Do you need it?”. “Kathy, that’s the bathroom.”, says Sutton. “What about that over there? It’s ugly.”. “Kathy, that’s our kitchen we can’t get rid of that.”, says Sutton. “Well, what about this desk?”. “No, Kathy. We need to work.”, Sutton deadpans. But to be fair, Kathy’s kind of right about everything.  Sutton announces that she’s going to go insane if she doesn’t throw a party soon! But first, we have to endure an evening of (nauseating) election night viewing at Kyles.

 

 

Kyle is having an election night party and to demonstrate that phony uninformed libs are “Patriots” too, so Kyle has instructed everyone to wear something “patriotic”. But apparently Dorit didn’t get the memo, and shows up in some stupid plaid ensemble right out of Cher’s closet in Clueless. Crystal mentions that she lost five pounds from stress during the Lake Tahoe cast trip, but it’s really just an opportunity to let the other women know that she is a recovering bulimic. Apparently she is unaware that their hostess (Kyle) already used that story line. Lisa Rinna fawns all over Crystal (and hubby Woody Allen Rob) telling them how “brave” she is, but also seizes the opportunity to make it all about her daughter, Lolita, and her struggle with food. But enough with the disingenuous  cocktail party conversation.

 

 

We learn that on the plane back from Tahoe, Dorit snapped at Kyle when she interrupted Dorit who was in deep conversation with Crystal. This made her cry, so during the viewing party, Kyle takes Dorit to the woodshed (meaning her fabulous den) to demand an apology. Kyle tells Dorit that she wouldn’t do to the other women, and in an ominous tone that we haven’t seen since Carlton called her anti-Semite, Kyle warns Dorit “never speak to me that way again”. But Dorit isn’t biting. She sarcastically tells Kyle “we’re goodt”, but then grabs Pee Kai (who is in a weird passive/aggressive argument of his own with a stoned Mauricio) and storms out of Kyle’s house.

 

 

Sutton has decided to treat herself to her first new car as a newly divorced woman, and has invited Garcelle along for moral support. Again, the producers forgot that this was Erika and Dorit’s shtick. But regardless, Sutton has decided; it will be the Black Shadow convertible with a sticker price of $387 THOUSAND dollars. But this scene of insane extravagance only reminds me that we are apparently never going to see even a still picture of Sutton’s Stracke’s newly separated family.  But I guess transparency has never been on of RHOBH's strong suits.

 

 

Meanwhile, Harry Hamlin is trashing up their already dated 1970’s landscape with an ugly garden and “above ground” pool ... *gasp! Turns out it’s some kind of reservoir for the next times fires engulf half of CA. Harry Hamlin then puts Lisa through some lame doomsday evacuation drill. Whatevs.

 

 

Kyle is picking up Crystal on her way to Sutton’s “Paris themed” party. As they have tea in Crystal’s kitchen, Kyle is so distracted that can’t even hear a word Crystal is saying, because she is focused on a Hermes handbag that has been deliberately placed where Kyle would be sure to see it. It’s a cute enough whimsical little bag that looks like a store front or something, but at an obscene $95K, it makes Sutton Rolls Royce purchase seem sensible.

 

 

Everyone is sitting around waiting for Erika, and Kyle and Lisa Rinna are wearing the same dress (again), which at this point seems like something that someone’s stylist planned as some sort of practical joke.  As the 42 minute mark of the show approaches, it becomes clear we’re not going to get any Erika at all. In the last few moments, the camera follows Erika in her silent car ride up to Sutton’s house, which is really Kyle’s house with some ill-fitting old lady furniture and tacky antlers hanging from the ceiling joists.

 

Kunty is serving up "divorcing society lady", wearing an ugly red dress with a bow on her neck that like looks like something out of Kim Richards closet. Erika arrives, opens the front door, looks over at the panel of women, pivots, and gives them her best fuck-all-you-bitches stare, and slams the door shut.

 

While I am pissed that this whole episode just teased that moment, I can’t wait for next week. Also, I'm sure I wasn't the only one who was well onto the big build up with no payoff before the episode even started.