A Tale of Two Accidents

 

This week’s episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills somehow managed to get an entire episode out of one catty conversation about what else, Erika … so this is going to be brief.

 

Dorit is planning a launch party preview (just for the ladies and their spouses) at her home for her wedding gown collection/collaboration with Nektaria, who or whatever that is. The proverbial gay party planner arrives and together they do a conference call with the Greek goddess  Nektaria herself.  Again, I'm not sure who she is, but I think I used her hair products in the 1980's.  Oh wait, that that Nexxus.  Never mind.

 

Kyle visits Crystal Cunt Foo’s house to look at see the renovation taking place in her and Woody’s basement. Crustal brags to Kyle that she was able to get the $1M construction costs down to $500K.

 

Garcelle is online dating, but also using a personal matchmaker to make it look like she’s some kind of big deal. She practically orgasms over the online profile of some shirtless middle aged dude, further suggesting that she’s strictly into white D. File this story along with Ebony K Nobody’s.

 

 

Kathy Hilton has Kyle, Rinna, and Erika over for a spa day. For whatever reason, she lays on the floor of her checkerboard-tiled foyer howling along with her ugly little dog. Once again, Kathy Hilton’s humor escapes me; in fact, at this point, she’s just annoying. She is treating the women to 20 carat gold facials, which reminds me of the time daughter, Paris, scarfed down a $1000 23-carat gold ice cream sundae on one of her own reality TV shows. Kunty passes on the facial and opts instead, to pig ot on the decadent lunch spread that one of Kathy’s help has prepared.  Besides, she wasn't about to mess up that the makeup that she herself had obviously just caked on. 

 

 

Speaking of (harsh) makeup, has anyone else noticed how clown-like the HW's (across the board) have been looking throughout the plannedemic?  Apparently none of these women had been paying attention for all those years, let alone taking notes as their "glam people" made them up.

 

Kunty casually mentions to Kyle that Tom encountered an intruder in the middle of the night, got into a scuffle,  and apparently damaged his eye in the process. Then her phantom police officer son, Tommy Jr., rolled his car 5 times in a freak CA snow blizzard when he came to help. We’re seeing a pattern here; Erika loves to drop these little nuggets (always to Kyle), but provides no other details.

 

 

Kyle and hubby, stoner realtor mogul Mo’, have Dorit and Pee Kye over for a pot luck dinner. During a course of Salmon and broccoli (apparently that’s all Kyle eats), Kyle repeats the far-fetched story that Erika just told her. They all get quite a laugh out of the albeit nonsensical absurdity of Erika’s story, but at the same time, Kyle and Dorit are careful to add that they believe her. They’re no dummies; they have witnessed first hand, Erika’s wrath over those who don’t buy what she’s selling.  But the men aren't so sure as PK points out that it is statistically impossible that in separate instances, both Tom and his stepson would flip their cars SIX times (Kyle upped it from 5 to 6 in the translation) and NOT sustain any serious injuries.  PK does have a point.

 

It’s the night of Dorit’s big launch party. All the women are on hand; Kyle and Mo, Soon Yi and Woody, Kathy Hilton and some random gay accessory, a nervous Sutton and her boyfriend (who knew?), and Erika and Garcelle arriving solo as usual. Rinna made it as well, but “busy actor” Harry Hamlin will arrive later.

 

 

Before dinner, producer and chief shit disturber Kyle, brings up a nasty comment that Garcelle made about the ladies “coming for her” on some gossip news show, or something or other. Clearly caught off guard, but always one to own her shit, Garcelle deflects, and then changes the narrative by telling the ladies (again) that she often feels like an outsider, then tearfully tells the ladies that “She has fought her entire life to fit in”.

 

Dorit in particular isn’t having it, and attempts to invalidate Garcelle’s feelings. I don’t doubt Garcelle’s feeling this way, but SHE is the one who allowed herself to be used as the token black chose to join a long running reality TV show with a group of women whom she clearly never even met before. BTW, the same goes for Crystal … so in my mind, they don’t get to play victims. But on the other hand, feeling like an outsider myself for most of my life, I can kind of relate to Garcelle’s dilemma.

 

Back to the subject at hand. As if she’s addressing 200 investors in a warehouse at a real product launch party, Dorit pics up a mic and thanks her guests for coming, then introduces her new collection of wedding gowns for the ladies and their husbands. It’s the same four gowns that we saw two episodes ago, but this time they are on a stage behind plexiglass ….as everyone “oohs and ahs”. And scene.

 

Following this episode, Erika wasted no time taking to twitter to comment on the Umanski and Kemsley's rather mean spirited mocking about the alleged break-in at Tom's.