"The Tea is Served" ... and it's really lousy.

 

 

 

Man, what a difference an episode or two can make.  RHOA season fourteen is turning into one of those Wrong Turn horror movies; you know the ones where a group of "friends" are on a road trip, high on weed and a cooler full of Bud Light.  They stop at a grimy gas station and encounter creepy townfolk with janky teeth who warn them to stay on the main road.  But while enjoying Moon Pies, countless bags of potato chips, and deep group therapy conversation, they suddenly find themselves stranded out in the middle of nowhere after a booby trap of sharp spikes mysteriously arises from the dirt road and flattens all their tires.  To make matters worse, there is no cell phone coverage and it's getting dark.  The only difference is that you actually look forward to seeing each one of them die a grisly death.  You can decide for yourselves whether I'm talking about the movie or RHOA.    

 

OK, let's get this over with.  Kenya Bravo is throwing a ridiculous birthday party for her daughter Brooklyn's third birthday.  But there will be no $10K diamond necklaces given out as party favors (ala Taylor Armstrong).  You see, Kenya is a struggling "single mother", so the entire budget for this thing is $10K. The fact that we even have to be told this pretty much decribes the booshieness of RHOA this season.  The theme is "tea party", because Brooklyn loves to play tea party with Kenya ... ugh.

 

Twirl is duel-tasking as the doting mother and messy castmate, so for a twisted party game, she instructs each of the ladies  to write down on a piece of paper some incriminating "tea" that each lady has on one of their cast mates.  Don’t get me wrong; shady moments are what the housewife series is all about, and no one does it better than the RHOA, but this shady tea time is just too scripted. Each of the women picks the card that directly pertains to them, and then right on cue. Kandi reads (aloud) a ridiculous claim about herself that she has "sucked dick in a locker room".  One thing RHOA will never be known for is couth. 

 

Shereé then compares Kandi's NOT telling her about Drew’s assistant spreading rumors to what Kandi went through during season nine, when Phaekdra and Po'Shit accused her of drugging and raping. stating Kandi should know how hurtful it is to have her name maligned.  It's ridiculous that this ratched show holds accusing people of rape to the same standard as petty rumors about one's financial shortgivings. Six years later, and Kandi’s sexuality is still being weaponized against her, as cast members repeatedly paint her as a sexual deviant.  But of course, the flipside to that argument is that Kandi has been the first one to exploit the situtation and even profit from it by starting a sex toy comoany and even a live show featuring "sex dungeons".  

 

Anyway, the game continues and the drama accelerates between Shereé and Drew regarding their assistant. Drew writes on her card that “someone at the table doesn’t pay their employees".  I’m probably overly suspicious of Drew, but her drama always feels fake, and this stupid story line involving her obnoxiously gay assistant, Anthony,  is no exception. Anthony says that he once worked for (ShitBy) Shereé, and claims that well known deadbeat Shereé never paid him.  But it all backfires on Drew when Shereé’s friend, and new "friend of", Monyetta, reveals that Anthony says that Drew's hubby, Ralph, is gay.  Yeah,  this is how desperate RHOA has become; we're back to that. 

 

Kenya clutches her pearls as the talk of dick sucking and unintentional gay bashing continues, and one of her party guests is so disgusted that she storms off, leaving Marlo to comment that "White just people don't have the stomachs for this kind of talk".   Eventually, tensions between Shereé and Drew reach such a boiling point that Drew is now waving her hands in Shereé’s face.  Drew claims that she's merely “talking with her hands”, but she should probably ask herself how well that worked out for RHOP's Candiace.  Anyway, the stage has been set for the first cast trip to see Kandi's play in NYC. 

 

Before the party ends, Kenya has the ladies play a game of  how well her guests know Brooklyn, and holds up several cards containing questions.  How the hell is anyone supposed to know what Brooklyn's first word was, or at what precise month she started walking? 

 

The stage has been set for next week, when the ladies embark on their first girl's trip (to NYC) to see Kandi in her Broadway debut.  Never one to shy away from self-accolades (or self awareness), Kandi states that her ultimate career goal is to become an EGOT, and I’m curious to know what acting roles she thinks will put her in the ranks of Barbra Streisand and Liza Minnelli.  We do know that she better get crackin' before Marlo beats her to it, because Marlo has gotten into the acting game herself, and invites us to take a look at her "IBDM" page.

 

But until week's episode (that I may or may not even watch), I still have some lingering thoughts/questions; things like is Drew intentionally mimicking Kenya's style? Why is this new chick, Monyetta, wearing jeans to this "event"?  BTW, this one used to be married to some D-list performer named Ne-Yo).  Finally, does anyone else recognize Shereé’s trainer Clifford?  He's the one who tried to set Shereé up with one of his friends in season two when she went to his bodybuilding show. 

 

Speaking of Shereé, I really hope she (and all the others) eventually tone down the ridiculous glam BS.  I know alll the HW franchises are doing it, but it all just seems so fake with this crowd, especially when we know that none of them really have a pot to pee in.  I mean, wouldn't a simple catered party at Moore Manor (for a fcking three year old) been pretentious enough?