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"One Step Closer to World Domination"
For the second season in a row, the Stud of the Sea, Captain Lee, is M.I.A. for the season premier, and again it’s for medical reasons. But this time, instead being tardy for just a few hours, it’s apparently for the entire first charter. So we’re stuck with some bozo named Captain Sean, the dude who transported My Seanna for the charter season.
It is very apparent from the get go, that Captain Sean came to rumble, and is going is going to milk his 15 minutes for all it’s worth. He assembles the new hapless crew and tells them that while he’s not very good at cracking the whip, he is VERY good at swinging the ax … *(gulp). Sean also introduces his three engineers, who seem just thrilled to be there.
Newly promoted First Officer, Eddie, is back, and joining him are deckhands Jake, a good looking blond guy sporting a "Captain Morgan" goatee, Rayna, sporting corn rows, and Wes, a swirly-looking dude whose Instagram is marked “private”. Obviously, that is sure to change.
On the interior, we have new chief stew Heather, who kind of reminds me of Hugh Hefner’s old girlfriend, Holly Madison, but with a hairlip, or is it an overbite ... I can't decide which one it is yet. Heather's second stew is Fraser, the proverbial bitchy gay steward, finally! Her third stew is Jessica, who has been busy changing her grandparent's Depends, and she actually loves doing laundry; definitely an added plus when you're low man on the totem pole.
Rounding out the cast is the return of Chef Rachel, the American’s Top Model reject and quite possibly crudest character to ever (dis)grace our reality TV screens. The crew spends their first day settling into their assigned bunks, scrubbing the boat, and loading supplies.
The first charter begins, led by Nikki Foster, who made her alleged fortune as a “senior broadcasting content producer”. She will be joined by her sorority sistas, apparently from an all black college. Per her preference sheet, she and her friends are requesting “fancy as fuck, rich-bitch shit only” service. They arrive with fabulous sun hats, but with questionable taste, as before the crew has even hauled their luggage on board, one of the women is requesting that Fraser pour her a chocolate martini. Fraser obliges with a smile, but then tells us in a confessional, that his experience is as "head of housekeeping", and that does not include making cocktails. This bitch (and I don’t mean the guest) is in for a LONG charter, and an even longer season, and I’m already living for it. Fraser is frazzled from the get go, and it’s clear that Hairlip Heather is going to be his nemesis, as she brings to his attention that he left the bar in disarray, and tells him to clean it up.
In the galley, Eddie and Rachel have a rather awkward exchange that suggest they have not worked out their issues from last season. Rachel tells us that it only got worse after watching Eddie trashing her, when the season aired. By dinner, things are already bubbling over on the interior. For some weird (production driven?) reason, Heather has assigned Jessica to laundry detail … during dinner service! This leaves Fraser scrambling between turndowns and service. “There’s no plan right now,” he says in a confessional. He’s right; having Fraser on service AND housekeeping, while Jess is below deck ironing questionable crew V-necks, makes no sense. Heather eventually seems to realize this, and moves Jessica to turn down detail. God forbid the guests pull their own covers down, right? The guests finish dinner and then spend the night enjoying their “high end” pajama party. Meanwhile, over some dish washing, Jake tells Rayna that he “fancies” her, and Fraser tells us that he fancies Jake.
The next morning, after enjoying a French toast and crab Benedict breakfast, primary Nikki summons Heather to her master bedroom suite, and points to a tiny trash bag that Fraser left behind. Really bitch? In a confessional, Heather calls this “a real rookie mistake”, completely oblivious to the fact that Fraser was busy working his ass off, running up and down the “Russian” spiral staircase during dinner service. Without even telling Fraser what his crime was, Heather orders him to pay special attention to the master primary suite for the duration of the charter. Fraser has no problem letting Heather know that he can’t focus on that and housekeeping at the same time. “I can’t pick up the slack if there is any,” he says. Heather entertains his grievance, but then in a confessional tell us that “there is no room in yachting for mistakes.”.
After absolutely terrible back to back seasons of BD Sailing Yacht and BD: Med, we are past due for a stellar season, and if this premier of the one that started it all is any indication, we are in for a really fun season.
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