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Only Fame Ho’s with True Intentions of Finding Love Need Apply

 

 

Let me first start out by saying that I did not intend on watching this season of The Bachelorette, let alone blog about it. Even though I was never a fan of long time host Chris Harrison one way or the other, continuing to support the show just didn’t feel right. Also, I don’t particularly care for the new bachelorette, Katie Thurston, but it’s hard to just quit a show after 20 seasons. Also, there is nothing else to watch on Monday nights, because the chances of me suddenly turning heterosexual and watching Monday Night Football are very slim (besides, I’ve boycotted the NFL as well). So basically, for the lack of nothing else better to watch, here we are. Yeah let's go with that.

 

Episode two starts with a group date specifically tailored to sex-positive Katie (lest we forget, her claim to fame was bringing a vibrator to meet Matt James on the last (dismal) season of The Bachelor. The date begins with Juicy Scoop podcaster and comedienne Heather McDonnell hosting a stand up gig for the guys. Each of them are to do a live on stage routine on “what makes them the best lover”. Perhaps predictably, a lot of these buffed gorgeous players don’t know much about female pleasure, in fact, one even asked what “erogenous” means.

 

 

But this is a particularly difficult task for Mike P. because he is a virgin (apparently every season from here on out is going to have one). The hilarity ensues as each man attempt to outdo each other. Connor B., the struggling Nashville star/math teacher, sings a song, Thomas tells Katie she wouldn’t need her vibrator anymore, and James presents his junk in a gift box. box. Virgin Mike P. allegedly has no experience with women, so he decides to read some soliloquy about saving himself for his wife. “I would wait another 31 years to have sex if it was what proved to you that I would sacrifice everything for you to feel loved and secure,” he says. Of course, the poem brings Katie, hosts Tayshia, Kaitlyn, and a few of the bachelors to tears. So Mike P. not only wins the challenge.

 

The sentimentality continues in Katie’s first one-on-date (she chooses first impression rose winner, Greg). They go on a sweet camping date to take in the (ugly) New Mexico views. It’s all very expected from the family man who is already capturing the hearts of Bachelorette fans. However, their connection strengthens during an emotional conversation about how they both lost their fathers. “I feel very comfortable with you and for me that’s why you’re here,” Katie admits to Greg. He obviously snagged the rose and the night ends with fireworks.

 

 

The second group date has the men competing in “Katie’s Big Buckle Brawl,” where they mud wrestle for Katie’s heart. If you want to see shirtless men rolling around in the mud, you’ve come to the right place. As always with these one on one challenges, the producers put two enemies up against each other, and this time it’s Cody and Aaron. In case you missed it, during last week’s premier, Aaron suddenly came for Cody telling him that he “had his number” and didn’t like him. It was a brief scene, but we the viewers were like huh? Where did that come from? It turns out they know each other. But I digress; Aaron wins the mud wresting challenge, and then sheds light on his drama with Cody to Katie.

 

“We’re not really cool, we’re not friends,” Aaron reveals. “I know he really wants to become famous or get on the show for those reasons. The way he handles situations to me, I find disturbing. He handles things in a way that is just malicious.”. Gee imagine that.

 

As fans know, these situations usually backfire horribly on the rat, but this time, Katie just blindly believes Aaron, and then after barely even letting him tell his side, she sends Cody home. However, I’m wondering if Cody isn’t the one who we see Katie having regret over (about sending someone home) later in the season.

 

Later at the cocktail party, Andrew S. walks away with the date rose after connecting with Katie about growing up poor. The two laugh and bond about not having much as kids, but having parents who still gave them happy childhoods. I’m keeping my eye on you, Andrew S. because there’s clearly a connection there. I sense an underdog!

 

 

Ah, the final cocktail party of the episode. Katie fills the men in on the Cody situation and it seems like the drama is quenched (for now). Then Karl sits down with Katie and stirs the pot in a way we haven’t seen since, well, on virtually every season of The Bachelor series.  He tells Katie that some of the men don’t have pure intentions. Who, you ask? Well, he doesn’t want to name names. Why, you ask? Because he doesn’t have any names to name. He’s making up drama to try and make himself look good, and of course for a little airtime.

 

 

Silly ninny Katie doesn’t realize this and confronts the group for the second time during the night. “Tonight, a bomb was dropped on me about multiple people still here for the wrong fucking reasons, and I don’t know how clear I can be about my intentions and my time, but if you are not here for me, if you are not here for an engagement, then get the fuck out.” says Katie. Real classy this one. But, the best part about this moment is the stupid dumbfounded looks on the guy’s faces. No one knows what the heck is going on, except for Karl that is, who then finally confesses to talking to Katie. Aaron quickly puts him in his place and tells Karl that going to Katie with fake news was the dumbest thing he could’ve possibly done.